Too much of a not too good thing

I don’t know if I shared I started doing yoga at the university a few weeks ago. Well today was the second time I went and very much enjoyed it. I figured out karate, what I was doing before, is not for me once they started telling me I needed to cut my fingernails and participate in some strong one-on-one combat practice. It was very clear I was not going to put myself in a position to be physically injured or hurt someone else, and cut my nails and give up perfectly manicured hands, are you kidding me? It was just not for me. Now you see where my priorities lie, don’t you? So, I played around with my schedule and was able to fit in Wednesday yoga classes.

For some reason I have been madly into exercising this week and apparently at CSS they thought I needed a little more. Remember those jogging classes I had agreed to teach? Well, they found someone a couple weeks back, so I ended lucking out and only did one class. Yes, I was thrilled, when the principal told me I was off that hook, and in his word, didn’t have to do jogging ever again. But today after having gone to the gym both Monday and Tuesday and right after my yoga class (which is power yoga, and leaves me sweaty and achy), I walked into the school to find out they needed someone to jog. I immediately thought “ok, this is it, I will die now”.

You see, I am not an exercising fanatic. I don’t even like it to begin with. I do it because a- I have to to keep slim, b- because it’s good for my body and I can’t let laziness win, and c-because, ultimately, when it’s done, the endorfinas (how do you say this in English?) kick in and it makes me feel good (I like feeling good).

I did it. I jogged with the kids. At some point I just stood there counting laps, but I did my share too. I obviously didn’t know I would be jogging outside today, so I didn’t have enough layers on me and would freeze if I just stood there. I’m afraid though, tomorrow I will be regretting this. And tomorrow was a go-to-the-gym-for-cardio-AND-weights day… I guess we’ll see about that won’t we?

Apparently craziness is needed

I thought I’d share a little randomness on craziness in my life yesterday.

Randomness 1:

I was on th M4, on my way to class yesterday afternoon and an old lady sat next to me. It’s incredible the amount of old fellows that use the M4 in the afternoons, I still haven’t figure it out, why just the afternoon? Anyhow, I was, as usual engrossed in my music listening, with my earphones plugged in. This usually doesn’t really prevent people from talking to me, and this wasn’t the exception.

This lady was very sweet, although she looked like she could be a little out of it, if you know what I mean. First she asked if she could sit next to me, while I move all my bags and stuff so that I could scoot over to the window side, and make room for her. Then she started explaining why she had moved seats: to make more room for the other people who were sitting in the special seats up front. And then she started making small talk. “Would you want to live in a building like that? I think I couldn’t take the noise. I live by the river and it’s very quiet there. Do you know how old I am? Very old. I’m getting off soon, because I like to walk. I am 89 years old, can you believe? And I stay in shape by exercising, walking as much as I can and not letting myself blow up so big (winking and pointing in the direction of other chubbier ladies)”.

She had an accent which I couldn’t make out, and I didn’t have enough time to ask her where she was from, because as soon as I started getting interested in my ride companion and her stories, we reached her stop and she got off. Not without waving good bye to be a couple times. So sweet. She made me smile, and think “gee, I hope that when I’m 89 I’m not still living in NYC and dealing with noise, public transportation, craziness, and other people cramped against me!”. Although, I did think that maybe because she lives in such a fast pace city is that she can be 89 and be in a such good shape, and maybe even a bit crazy without everyone noticing. Who knows?

Randomness 2:

At night after classes I went to karate and there was only one other girl in the class besides me. Apparently, women are scarce these days in karate. Monday classes are very exercise driven, so we spend a lot of time on kicks, punches, and some one-on-one techniques. At the end we usually practice Katas, and thank God for that, because I needed a little reminder of Kata 3 (which I still need to learn the name for, Japanese just doesn’t come natural to me). Being the only two girls in the bathroom changing back into our normal clothes after class, we started talking about our impressions and I was happy to find out that I wasn’t the only one concerned with how dirty the floor was, or the particularly disgusting body odor of one of the guys. As it turns out she avoids him too. Now that I think about it, could these be the reason the other girls have stopped coming to class? Cleanliness is important to us you know.

Anyhow, when we finally finished changing out of our karategis, and got out of the bathroom, everyone was gone, everyone except for one of the Senseis. He had been waiting for us to talk and give us some extra motivation. You see, we’re not only the only girls, we are also the more junior ones in the group (meaning we are frequently lost and don’t perform as strongly, or aggressively as the boys do). He had said at the end of class that karate is not only physical, not only about the moves and getting them down right, but also about the mind and being able to take oneself to a different place. He called it “going a little crazy”.

He explained that when you are being attacked by someone they are not usually in a sane state of mind, and the only way to over power them is to be even crazier yourself. Shout louder, move faster, be more confident. He said we needed to keep our minds alert and focused, to not lose the connection with the opponent, and to allow ourselves to get to the point in which one acts instinctively and lets go. Fore some reason this sounded a lot like sex to me. Don’t ask me why.

So I left there thinking “great! All these years of formal education and training, fitting into social and academic settings, learning rules of how to behave accordingly, and now this guy just wants us to go nuts?”. His intent is not for us to lose it completely, mind you, but just while there in that “safe space”. He wants us to take our minds to that place in which we can act by instrument and get in touch with our animal instincts. To let go and get into the movement. I think I know what he means, but I’m not quite sure how to get there, especially if half the time I’m trying to avoid stinky guy, and wondering what’s that thing I’m feeling stuck to the sole of my foot!

But hey, if craziness is needed, I guess I can give craziness a shot, right? I live in NYC for Pete’s sake, how hard can it be?

Half full or half empty?

Every year around my birthday I get a little sad. I’m not quite sure why, but I always do. I think it mainly has to due with the fact that I see a new year as a milestone, and an opportunity to review and revise my life so far.

As is the case for the majority of people I know, I am my worst critic, and tend to see the glass half empty before I can see it half full, at least when it come to personal stuff. So I see where I am, what I have accomplished, how it compares with last year, look for similarities and differences, and go through a “hmmm, not really what I wanted, is it?” state, before I get to “what are you saying? this is actually great!” frame of mind, and start smiling again.

So today it hit me. Slowly, out of the blue. By the time I got to my karate class, I was already sad. Not sure why, but I was. It took me forever to concentrate on what I was doing. The fact I didn’t go to class once last week didn’t help much either, thus I was completely lost with Kata #3, and was placed in the middle of the group surrounded by brown belts, so I could do whatever they were doing if/when I got lost. Embarrassing!

Anyhow, after class I felt better. Exercising always does that to me. It invigorates me and makes me brighten up. Nonetheless, I thought I’d ponder this for a bit. If I am sad, it must for a reason right? Well, here’s my list of possible reasons so far:

1.- Something happens astrologically around one’s birthday which produces a melancholy in the environment, which one is bound to sense. It’s inevitable.

2.- I’m turning 35 and I’m feeling a bit too old for the life style I currently have.

3.- If I wanted to have children now, it would be considered a high risk pregnancy.

4.- I haven’t found the love of my life yet.

5.- I’m still resentful about what C did and his overall deplorable behavior.

6.- I need to lose 10 lbs and it’s damn hard!

7.- … I think that’s it…

I have good counter points for all of them, so don’t you despair.

1.- There’s nothing I can do about this, it will pass in a week or so.

2.- My current life style as a student is temporary, in fact, in less than a year I won’t be a full time student any more and will most probably have a full time job. So I might as well enjoy it while I have it, because for sure, I will not be student ever again after the doctorate is done.

3.- Women have children now at any age, whenever I am ready to have mine, it will still be medically possible. I am sure of this.

4.- He will appear or develop whenever it’s right. “Let go, and let God!”, remember?

5.- There is nothing I can do about C’s or anybody else’s behavior, so I need to let this go. I believe in Karma. What goes around comes around. He’ll have to deal with his actions and their consequences sooner or later, there is nothing for me to be resentful about.

6.- I have one word for myself: DIET!

7.- … Not that bad. I feel better already! : )

Glass half full people, half full!

My Life Updated

Ok, so I know I haven’t been posting as regularly as usual or reading and commenting on people’s blogs as I use to. I am aware of this. I have a good reason though, I have very little time now! Oh, and I was off-line since last Friday to this past Tuesday… RCN sucks, no more comments needed. Thank God the boy with the bike (t.b.w.t.b.) fixed my computer/connection problems, and I am now back in the loop.

My short update would be: Things are good. But I know that won’t fly, so here goes the long version.

Job: I am truly enjoying my new job. The project I’m working on is very interesting and the whole “doing research” aspect of it and learning how to do it right, is thrilling to me. We have had several conference calls with the people of the Chemung County, so no more upstate visits have been needed. We are now working on a piece of the project with a team of students in one of the professor’s (and research center leader) classes. We will be designing instruments for 2 of the programs participating in the project, as well as starting a case study with key informants about the historical perspective of this initiative in the hopes that it will serve as a replicable project in other counties.

Fellowship: The fellowship at the Columbia Secondary School (CSS) is great too. I have been working on a mini-grant to fund the curriculum I have been developing and designing, as well as helping out in the school and getting to know people better. There are a lot of men in this school which seems rare to me. All my life working in the early childhood educational field I have been surrounded by women, who knew the men were all hiding in secondary schools?! Anyhow, I’ve made friends and have been able to share ideas with some very nice, very smart, new colleagues.

Dissertation: My proposal is also coming along. I finally got feedback from my sponsor and have worked on all the revisions for chapter 3, this weekend will be spent on chapter 1 so that I can turn in my draft again on Monday for both sponsor and committee member to read. We are thinking November will be my proposal defense month and I am so excited this is finally looking like it will actually happen!

Classes: The classes I’m participating in (dissertation seminar) and the ones I attend in a TA capacity (Evaluation Methods, and Testing Issues and Accountability) are also going well. I’m learning bits and pieces, and filling in blanks I didn’t even know I had. It has also turned out to be a learning experience working closely with the professor (also my boss at the research center) and seeing how she deals with students and learning issues, and comparing them to my previous experience at Univ Metropolitana back home.

Friends: Well I have to say I haven’t seen much of my friends lately. Besides the friend filled weekend I had a couple weeks ago, I haven’t quite arranged to get together and talk (as I so like to do in-depth) with any of my friends, but I have it on my to-do list and I will get to that soon, I promise.

Family: Everyone is doing well, thank God. My sister, up to her ears in work and loving it, what else is there for a woman who’s passion in life is her job? The kids, beautiful and growing, they truly are the best gift we all got! Cas, working a lot too, I haven’t seen much of him lately. My parents, just bought a house in Houston, so the move seems to be coming along strongly (it’s scheduled for Jan-Feb 08). Back home things seems to be good as well. Everyone busy, everyone living and healthy, which is always a good thing.

Karate: I missed all the classes last week, so when I went back this past Monday night I was a bit lost. Not so much in the exercises part, but the Kata was terrible! I have Kata #1 down, and #2 almost there, but #3 (which is what they are on now) is just a blur. I have class tomorrow again, so hopefully it will kick in soon… instead of kicking me, which could be the alternative, yikes!

And now what you all been waiting for, and what truly keeps you coming back to this blog for more…

Dating: I saw t.b.w.t.b. Monday night after my karate class. I went over to his place, to which I had never been before. He lives in a nice area of NYC, very cute complex actually, and quite different for Manhattan standards. Lots of inside parks, fountains, and lawns, very, very nice. It’s located near the East Village so there are tons of trendiness and freakiness everywhere, for the amusement of the by passer. We went for hot dogs at the Papaya place because I hadn’t had lunch or dinner, it was close to 11 pm and this seemed to be closest open place around. He let me use his computer (very nice of him since my connection was still down) and we watched a little football. Actually he watched, while I worked a bit. All very nice and normal for a Monday night.

Tuesday night he came over to fix my Internet issues (oh so very sweet) while I made dinner. He wanted Mexican, so Mexican it was! Guacamole, beef fajitas and red wine. I forgot the frozen margaritas, darn! No Tequila. Next time. I haven’t seen him since and this weekend he is off to LI to help his brother pack for his move, so I probably won’t see much of him until next week. I need to catch up on my reading and finish my chapter 1 revisions, so very good timing, although I will miss him : ( I did want to go see a movie tonight. I need to ask him if he’s leaving today or tomorrow, it would be nice to go see Rendition, Gone Baby Gone, or Things we lost in the fire. Have you seen any? Any recommendations or warnings?

The begining of my old self: I’m back!

I just came back from my first Karate class and it was great! I had been meaning to join them ever since I discovered they existed at Columbia, but for some reason or the other I never had the time or energy to go. Today I decided this was it, procrastination no more, and I hiked up to the main campus to go to class. I had done some karate before in Caracas. but I only had manage to go for about 6 months or so, and hadn’t gotten very far, this was over 4 years ago, so I was surprised I remembered the first Kata at all. It was truly awesome and invigorating, very empowering feeling to be able to defend yourself physically if the need be. I will be going back Monday nights after class, and Saturday mornings.

I walked back to East side, through Central Park, and stopped to buy my favorite green olive bread to dip in olive oil, which has been my main squeeze these days. It’s delicious and the rolls they sell at The Vinegar Factory are quite as good as the ones I get at the little Italian Bakery on 3rd Ave, so I can even alternate the bread I get and try different varieties!

Outside the bakery they sell flowers and couldn’t stop myself from buying two dozen roses that just jumped at me. And on my walk back home I couldn’t stop smiling, I suddenly realized I am incredibly happy. My dreadful job is over, finally, done with! I felt trapped in that job, like some kind of slave that HAD to do petty, menial, mind numbing tasks, day in and day out. I hadn’t realized how much this job was affecting my self-worth and self-esteem. I had to constantly look back and remind myself what I use to do for a living back home, to assure myself that I was indeed capable of much more than they were giving me credit for here. It was two years of dragging myself out of bed every single day to go do something I found absolutely useless. Sure, the people there were very nice, and they truly needed someone to do this job, but I had never done something I was so over qualified for for so long, and judging from how I felt doing it, I hope to God I don’t ever have to do it again.

I now feel as though I got my life back, my self-worth, my confidence in my self. It’s incredible what a bad job will do to a person. You see, academics and professionalism is what I’m good at, it’s were I thrive, and is what I am usually used to be recognized for. Not having that these past two years, or at least not in it’s grand, challenging and fulfilling way, has been very difficult for me, and it wasn’t until today, when it is no more, that I realized how happy I am to be back. This is why I am so excited about my new research job at AERI assessing a district wide program and training teachers to use the instruments we develop, even though it does pay less. And why I am so looking forward to the time I will be spending at the Columbia Secondary School working on a curriculum plan for it’s values and moral development curriculum and classes (this is part of the scholarship I won). I truly can’t wait!

So here I am contemplating my beautiful flowers. Aren’t they pretty?

Enjoying my olive bread.

And feeling happy and fulfilled again!