Have you heard this? I hear this constantly. People don’t believe in God, but they believe in the Universe. What do they mean by this? It has bugged me for years, not because I think everyone should believe in God, or have the same spiritual understanding of what life means, or “god forbid” (pun intended), share the same religious faith. But, because to me the universe is a conglomerate of rocks in space. How does one not believe in God but believe in rocks? What do they expect rocks to do for them? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I for one love rocks. I have been collecting them in various shapes and formes since I was a kid. But, aside from the energetic vibration that all animate and inanimate objects and beings have, can we really expect rocks to guide our lives? Do rocks answer when we pray to them?
I believe in God. Not the white man, with a white beard, sitting on a thrown, who is almighty, and likes to play sometimes not so funny jokes on us. But, in a God that is pure spiritual energy, of which we are all made. The mother source of spirit, from which all souls come from. More of an It than a him or her, more of a force than a superior man-like being. I’ve begun to call It the mother source, but people don’t easily relate to that term or fully understand it, so I continue to call It God.
When folks talk about the Universe, I believe this is what they are referring to. It just bugs be that they use that word. And you see, I think that is the crux of the issue. We don’t have words to describe the spiritual realm, that are distinctively spiritual and not tinted by religion, science, or the physical-material realm we find our selves in our day-to-day. This is why it’s so difficult to explain, to verbalize, to communicate, what happens in the spiritual realm. How do we even begin to explain everlasting love and peace? How do we explain, truly explain, stillness and being present, in a way that it gets to the essence of it, while we are still constrained by our current lexicon?
I’ve been studying and researching spirituality for over 15 years now, and still we don’t have the language to truly explain it. Scholars talk about spiritual experiences (SE), spiritually transforming experiences (STE), near death experiences (NDE), death bed experiences (DBE), shared death experiences (SDE), past lives experiences (PLE) both through regressions and spontaneously, and even life between life experiences (LBL). And yet, still when I ask people about their spiritual background, I typically get another question as a response, “Do you mean my religious background?” and follow it with an explanation of how they were brought up with a particular religious faith, which some continue to practice, while others have moved-on from.
The religious practicing folks seem to have no issue with the word God. Those who have been burned by religion, steer away from it. The spiritual but not religious group, those who don’t think religion contributes anything to their life, yet still believe in something guiding them in the spiritual realm, are the folks who typically believe in the Universe. Who will call the It the Universe. Why? How did this term come to be in vogue when referring to a spiritual guiding source?
Because of the Corona Virus we couldn’t host Thanksgivng this year like we would have wanted to. So it was just Mike and I. We cooked up a storm! Made our first full turkey from scratch. A 17 pounder, mind you. So we will be eating left-overs for weeks.
We made the most delicious garlic mashed potatoes, green bean caserole (from scratch, no cans were used), a surprisingly delicious cranberry sauce, and delicious stuffing.
I woke up at 3:30 am, having gone to sleep around 1 am, and my alarm set to ring at 6:00 am, I was a bit worried about my productivity level for today. In fact that worry was exactly what woke me up in the first place. I have 3.5 articles I should have already submitted, which aren’t yet ready, a dossier that I need to finish, 2 courses I need to finish polishing, so they are ready to go online in two weeks, and a massive case of imposter syndrome that sometimes paralyzes me into a full day (sometimes weeks) of doing nothing much more than sleeping and eating.
At 4:00 am, when I still couldn’t go back to sleep, I decided to put my worries into a to-do list to tackle today. All the thoughts I was having about an article I worked on all last week needed to come out. All the things pending, the tasks I need to complete this week, all the to-dos that were preventing me from falling back to sleep and had woken me up in the first place.
Of, course once that was done and I still wasn’t sleeping, I went to my phone and checked my emails. My feed had The NY Times headlines, like it has had since 1998, and a COVID related article caught my eye. I read it and as it turns out it was exactly what I needed to read.
The article speaks to the emotion of envy that is festering and growing, in some cases not so slowly and quite noticeably, in those of us that are focused on the grass being greener in our neighbors’ yards. Social media has been facilitating us to do this to ourselves for years now, and because COVID is something that has happened to us and not necessarily by us, we are reaping the consequences of social media envy much more painfully.
I wanted to repost this article, which took me briefly to Twitter and then down the rabbit hole that we know as FB. I found out some sad news about a colleague’s wife passing, and going through his feed I found this gem, which helped me gain a bit of perspective.
Yes, social media seems to be a spreading disease at times. But the reality is that it keeps us informed and connected to our current reality. The trick though, is to be able to filter it, and not let it turn into an emotional leech. Easier said than done.
It’s now 7:00 am, an hour after my alarm went off, and I still haven’t gone back to sleep. I remembered how this outlet has helped me before, back in the days when I lived in NYC, reason why I’m subscribed to The NY Times to begin with, and I’m glad I decided to write. Now the problem is going to be getting through that to-do list without crashing half way through it. I see a lot of tea and Coke Zero in my immediate future.
Social media induced envy and the feeling of not being good enough because I have not accomplished what I needed to this summer, have had me in a vicious circle, that ends today. I understand better what is happening: I’m crushed at an emotional level, that then gets into my mind, and reflects very clearly in my actions, or lack there of. Today, I’ll be productive again. Today, I know why I’ve been unmotivated, sluggish, and procrastinating to no end. Today, I am productive, because today I am in control. #knowledgeispower #nottodaycorona
I thought I would give the Marie Kondo folding method a try, to organize my dresser. I took everything out of my t-shirt and sweatpants drawers and applied the method. Well, sort of. I needed them to fit to the height of my drawer, so my folding is a bit different than hers. But it sure does look good. And it’s been a month and it’s still going strong! #konmari #mariekondo #organizing #neatnessrules
The next room up, in this Home-Tour series, is the second Guest Room. I hope you like it! #move2018 #move2019 #hometour #life #guestroomtour #newfurniture
Happy New Year!!! I thought I would review the past decade to start the new one with a clear view of what I have learned and experienced in the past 10 years, and thus forefront what I am truly grateful for, while entering the new decade.
Was a year of endings and new beginnings. We received the year in Jamaica, where we had spent Christmas and New Years at a great house with the ocean as its backyard, and the place where they filmed the Blue Lagoon, just a few miles away. The vacation of a lifetime!
The first semester of the year I dedicated my time to finish writing my dissertation and wrapping up my doctoral program. Also, getting over a bad breakup, that now in hindsight, was my farewell to my single NYC life. The ending to that relationship set the ending of an era in my relationship path. I wasn’t aware of that then, but I can see it clearly now.
In May, I finished my doctoral program at Teachers College – Columbia University, having interviewed for a position at DePaul University, gotten a job offer and accepted, the week before I defended my dissertation. Which meant that after living in Manhattan for the second time, this time for almost 6-years, a move was impending.
In June, I traveled to Dublin for a conference, it was a great trip. I presented my dissertation research and was excited to received more feedback on it before publishing it. Ireland was beautiful, the people were awesome. Then, I went to Venezuela for summer vacation and to pick-up my things. My parents were moving. They had decided to retire, sell everything, and move from Caracas to Miami. That meant I had to go back to my home, go through all my things and clean house. I had to decide what to throw out, what to give away, what I wanted to bring back with me immediately to NYC, what could go in the move with them to Miami, and what needed to go in a move straight to Chicago. It was a busy summer of sorting and packing and making decisions, and eventually moving, what felt like many times over.
With much reservation, I moved to Chicago in August, having only been there twice before, and not really knowing much anyone. I arrived on Thursday the 12th, in the middle of a heat wave, with 90F weather, and by Saturday the 14th I was all unpacked and settled in my new digs in Lakeview, a few blocks from Lake Michigan. But I was homesick for months. I kept going back to NYC every chance I got. Even though Chicago grew on me after a while, the windy city didn’t feel like home, it always felt like the older, duller, much more conservative sister of my beloved big apple.
The job kept me busy that first semester, it was what I wanted to do: be an academic again, after many years of hiatus and being a doc student, working part time doing research. Everything was new and exciting, I had a new full-time job, a new home, in a new city, was surrounded by new people, and even new food. But I was lonely, and I missed NYC with a longing that sometimes hurt. I went to Miami for Christmas and New Years that year, to my parents’ new home. We went to Casa Dagga and San Agustin and I remember wondering what the future held for me in the years to come after so much change during this year that was just ending.
This year brought with it the worse winter storm of the century. It was the great blizzard of 2011. It lasted from January 31st to February 2nd. The city got up to 22 inches of snow. The university shut down for 2 days for the first time in decades. The temperatures went down to -22F and it was not safe to be outside or trying to commute from one place to another. I stayed in and worked from home those days.
On Sunday, February 6th, with snow still everywhere, Mike drove into the city to pick me up and take me to brunch, for our first date. We had been emailing and talking on the phone for weeks, on and off, and finally set to meet in person. Our second date was the week after, on Valentine’s weekend (Saturday 12th), when we kissed for the first time in the parking lot of Emilio’s, a restaurant we kept going back to most every year for our anniversary dinner.
In March, I traveled to Prague for a conference on Spirituality to present on my research work and got to also change my status from my student visa and OPT to a work visa, sponsored by my job. Prague was beautiful, and my friend Thomas and his family were able to come over and I got to visit with them for a day, which was a wonderful treat.
In May I was in NYC for a week. I couldn’t wait to be back; it had been a while and I was longing to see my people and be back in my city again. It felt good to be home. Mike didn’t come with me and everyone asked about him. But it wasn’t until later that we made that trip together.
My first year of work was busy, filled with teaching and writing and getting used to all the new procedures and policies, getting to know the ropes. I spent the entire month of June working and in July Nick and Sophie came to Chicago to visit for a week, and I adopted Max on July 10th! We had a great time together those days, getting to know Max and his ways. But shortly after, we left Maxy with Mike and Charlie, and flew out to Miami for a few weeks for vacation time.
We were in Miami and also went to Orlando in July. It was a fun family time in Florida. Mike and I had broken up before the summer and got back together after I got back. We had our months of getting to know each other and establishing our relationship, which was a long-distance-weekend type of relationship, because I lived in Chicago and he lived in Minooka, which was not really helpful. But somehow, we made it work, by the time Thanksgiving rolled around, my parents came to visit, Mike met them, and I had met Mike’s entire family; we were way on our way to being an established couple. We spent weekends together. Either Max and I went to Minooka and hung out in the burbs, or he and Charlie and sometimes Charlotte (Mike’s cat) would come visit and hang out with us in the city.
For Christmas and New Year’s I went to Miami to spend it with my parents, and Mike came too. 2011 felt like a transition year, one in which things were starting and I was just getting used to it all. I guess that was because it was exactly what happened. Even though I spent the majority of this year homesick, the balance was quite positive: 2011 was the year I met Mike, Charlie and Max; you can’t beat that!
I started 2012 dieting, I went off fried carbs for one month, then no red meats for the second month, and then no sodas for the third. Not sure what I was trying to accomplish, I guess I wanted to lose weight, but in looking at my weight tally, I don’t think it made much of an impact. I wasn’t too much over my target weight to begin with, but you know how it is when you get something in your mind.
Anyway, in April, I traveled to Vancouver for AERA and loved it. Vancouver is a beautiful city, by the water, but from what I remember it seemed very far away for some reason. In May, we went to Kentucky to visit Mike’s dad and to go to the Derby. We had fun, it was my first time at the Kentucky Derby and my first time in Louisville too.
I did an online Tarot course in June thru July, in the hopes to get back into my tarot roots and enjoyed it very much. I got a Tarosophy Certification from that course. I also flew out to Miami for a summer vacation for almost one month, which was much needed.
On my return, we spent a week at the Lake House in Union Pier, MI, by Lake Michigan with Mike’s Family, for his dad’s 75’s birthday, which was fun. We did a walking tour of Chicago and met the best tour guide I have ever experienced. And also spent some time hiking at Starved Rock, the I&M Canal, Hammel Woods, and in Wisconsin around Mike’s mom’s place with the boys. We went to Arlington Million that summer and also to some Alabama games when the season started in September. It was a packed summer!
In October, I went to NYC for an impromptu trip, because I needed to vote, and I was still registered in the Consulate there. I think I had purposefully not changed over to the Chicago Consulate, so I had to continue going back to NYC to vote in any Venezuelan election. It was fun to see my people and my city again. I got to visit Sophie’s second grade class and read a story, I went to the MET, ate at Eataly and the Tea Room, went out and hung out with friends, it was an all-around great trip.
Mary and Scott got married in October, and it was also the month of my 40th birthday. For my birthday Mike flew me to Puerto Rico for a long weekend, and we had a really nice time. I still remember that trip as one of our best ones. The food was delicious, and the sightseeing was memorable. I think the fact that everything was new for the both of us, made it that much more significant; it was like a pre-honeymoon. But as soon as I hit 40, or a few months before it actually, my body decided it had had enough and my thyroid retired. I started gaining weight, which to this day I have not been able to control, among other many symptoms, and was diagnosed with Hypothyroidism.
On Halloween, October 31st, when we came back from our trip to Puerto Rico, I moved into my brand-new condo. I had purchased it in September, but had been doing some work to it and waited until I got back from the birthday trip to move in. I had been staying with Mike in Minooka while I was in-between homes, since I had moved out of my Lakeview apartment in August.
Thanksgiving was spent at Mike’s mom’s place in Wisconsin and for Christmas and New Year’s we stayed in Chicago. We went to the Robert Joffrey’s classical rendition of the Nutcracker and it was Mike’s first-time at the ballet. We had Christmas eve dinner on our own, and celebrated Christmas day at Scott and Mary’s place. My parents flew in from NYC on the 26th and spent New Year’s with us. We went to a Brazilian restaurant for New Year’s dinner.
This was a year of milestones: I turned 40, I purchased my first condo by myself, I developed hypothyroidism, we celebrated Christmas on our own, my legal status changed to work visa and the paperwork for green card commenced.
January began with a housewarming party we threw at the condo. My parents were still in-town visiting, so we threw a party to celebrate the new digs. Mike and I had spent many a weekend painting and getting the place just right all through November and the beginning of December of 2012. We were ready to show it off!
In March, I went to Portugal for a conference on spirituality and during that trip, in an airport I remember reading the headline that Chavez had passed away. Finally!
In April, I went back to NYC to vote in another Venezuelan election and this time Mike came with me. It was his first time in NYC and our first time there together. We went to Central Park, strolled the UES, went to Rockefeller Center, Macy’s, the Empire State building, the MoMA and to a Yankees’ game. He got to meet both my people and my city. We had a good time.
Toward the end of June, Sophie came to visit for a week, and we had fun in Chicago and visiting Mike in the burbs, until we flew to Miami for a summer vacation all through July.
In August, I was in Chicago and did fun summer activities with Mike. We went to a Yankees & Chicago White Sox game, went to Arlington Million again, to the beach and street and art fairs. We did some antiquing too, which is something we had done the previous summers as well. Chicago is such a fun city in the summer time, so much to do.
At the beginning of October, I drove out to Carbondale, IL for a conference I was invited to speak at, sharing some of my work on spirituality, and was invited to stay at a colleague’s place. It was a fun, different kind of conference experience and one that I will always remember with fondness.
For my birthday, Mike took me to dinner at Gibson’s and this started a tradition that we continued every year that I had a birthday in Chicago. This semester was also crunch writing time, because my book was due to Routledge by November 15th. So, on top of all the courses I taught this year, the service I was providing and the other research and writing projects I had, I was working hard on writing my book, finished it and submitted the finished manuscript in November.
In November, I went to NAEYC in DC, and then flew to NYC for a few days before flying back to Chicago. Thanksgiving was celebrated at Mike’s mom’s place in Wisconsin again with his family. For Christmas we road-tripped it to Miami, with the boys in tow. We made a one-night stop in Kentucky, staying with Mike’s dad and stepmom on the way back to Chicago.
This year felt like a year of making progress, a productive kind of year. It was also a bit of uncomfortable year in a sense, because this was the year I knew with certainty that I was not where I needed to be work-wise. I began interviewing and looking for other academic positions toward the end of this year.
The beginning of the year was cold and filled with work, so it went by quickly, with a lot of time spent inside. The first weekend of March we flew out to NYC for Sophie’s birthday. Mike and I went together for a quick 3-day trip, it was fun as all trips to NYC are.
In April, Bobby got sick, and there were a few hospital visits before Easter, and then more throughout the year. He was well enough to throw his famous summer Bocce Ball Tournament in July, and Mike and I won it this year, which was quite the surprise!
I did some more interviewing and looking for positions elsewhere, but at the end decided to stay where I was because it would keep me in Chicago, close to Mike, so I decided to see the process threw and stay where I was.
June was a big month for us in 2014. Ina, Joan and Greta visited us at the beginning of the month for a few days on their way to Cincinnati. We did the Warrior Dash in Channahon, IL and completed it successfully. The World Cup was going on all through the beginning of July. And on June 21st Mike and Charlie officially moved in with Max and Me in Chicago, and left the burbs behind for good.
In August, Mike, the boys and I took a road-trip down to Miami again. This time we stopped in Louisville for a longer time to spend more time with Mike’s dad and Joanne. We also spent a couple days in Atlanta at Mike’s friends, and then finally arrived at my parents’ place and stayed there for about 3-weeks until we hit the road back home.
On September 13th, outside the Art Institute, one of my favorite places in Chicago, Mike proposed, and I said yes. We got engaged!
In October, there was a Benefit for Bobby, I did another Tarot Tellesummit course online, my birthday was low key in Chicago, we out for dinner, but then my sister gave me a ticket for NYC as a present. So, we went to NYC for Halloween weekend and my sister threw a birthday party for me there. We had a blast!
My parents came to visit in November and were with us for Thanksgiving, so we went up to Wisconsin to Mike’s mom place with them. It was fun to have both our families together and have them meet in person. We did a Holiday Tour with my parents, with the best tour guide again, and went to the Christmas Market, which also became tradition we did every year I was in Chicago during the holidays.
Christmas and New Year’s we spent in Miami, but we flew out this time. My dad invited us to go see the Cirque du Soleil and did a lot of family sharing and visiting. We also spent a lot of time looking at churches and venues, since we thought we might want to have the wedding in Miami next December. We went to Christmas Mass with a very picturesque priest that I don’t think any of us will ever forget. That small chapel was beautiful, in a old Spanish reconstructed seminary, and would have been an awesome place to hold a wedding, but it was just not meant to be.
This year was a year of new beginnings: I decided to stay put in my job and in Chicago, we started living together, got engaged, and began planning our wedding.
The next room up, in this Home-Tour series, is the first Guest Room. I hope you like it! #move2018 #move2019 #hometour #life #guestroomtour #newfurniture
The next room up, in this Home-Tour series, is the Meditation Room. I hope you like it! #move2018 #move2019 #hometour #life #meditationroomtour #newfurniture
Life is too short... 