Random Friday

Yesterday was kind of a weird day. I woke up early to move my car because of a scheduled street cleaning, and got back right to work. I needed to send an abstract of a paper to participate in a panel about spirituality in a conference to be held in Illinois in October. The submission was due the following day and the panel organizer needed to compile everyone’s abstract and send it in, so I needed to get on it. The last minute thing isn’t what was weird though, if you know me, you know I’m a procrastinator. The weird part was that as soon as I sat down to compose it I started writing right away, just like that, go Jen! I reviewed a bit of my data and then started writing the actual paper. I realized I needed to stop and refocus and write the abstract which is what was due and not the paper, but the muse was with me, and since it hadn’t been with me in quite a while, I enjoyed the thrilled of flowing with words and ideas, and writing away.

I quickly realized I needed to get on it, showered, dressed and out the door, if I wanted to make it to a work related lunch I had down town. So I was rushing a bit, out the front door when I spotted two ladies coming up the stairs. They walked over to my neighbor’s door and wondered out load if it was the third floor, to which I informed them that no, it was actually the second floor and they had one more floor to go. They hauled up, while I stayed put trying to figure out which apartment they were here to see. They knocked on my upstairs neighbor’s door and their cleaning lady (whom I had been hearing all morning) opened the door and told them no one was home. They asked if that was the apartment for rent and explained they had an appointment to show the place. I was completely surprised, I had no idea my upstairs neighbors were moving and renting out their place! I immediately thought: the kid is moving out! And quickly hopped the new tenants wouldn’t have children. Is that terrible? I was actually sort of sad to have my neighbors leave, as noisy as they are, we sort of know them now, and to start over with a new family is kind of a pain… can you tell I don’t like change? Or at least, I have had enough of it to last me a life time and would want things to stay put for a while now, please? Yes? Pretty please?

Anyhow, as I walked out to my car, I heard “Now here I go” and then a thud. I looked up and an older lady had fallen to the ground. As in, flat on her stomach, on the ground. I rushed over to try to help her up, she was too heavy for me to lift, so she asked me to hold on to her dog, while she tried to get up on her own. Another lady came by, she was bigger than me, so she thought she might be able to help her. Nothing. The lady on the floor was definitely too heavy. But then a man stopped and while I held the dog, him and the other woman helped her up. Voila, she was standing again. In the mean time two other elderly people had come by to ask what had happened and to profusely thank all of us for helping her. I guess they thought “I could be next!”. Damn, I could be next! One never knows.

I hurried down town and made it to lunch, a little on the late side, yet still ok. After lunch I ran a few errands, the shopping, returning, and stocking up on supplies kind. And then headed home, not before I read some feedback from students I have been supervising this term. Two were great, one not too much. And then, what otherwise had been a rather good day, good deed in and all, turned into a very pissed-off at an ungrateful and unfair (what she’s complaining about is not so) assessment of me in regards to this student’s supervision.

But I am now choosing to let it go. Karma is a bitch and she will take care of all of my ungrateful students. I receive a daily inspiring quote, and today this was it: “Many men go fishing all of their lives without knowing that it is not fish they are after.” ― Henry David Thoreau. So appropriate as to where some of my students are, getting a degree not knowing that learning is why they are here, what truly matters, the rest, well the rest will be irrelevant once a few years have passed. This I know from experience.

So that was my random Friday, muse, good deed, work lunch, errands, and pissed-off. A weird, yet kind of normal day, wouldn’t you say?

This weekend

Mike left today for a conference in Ann Arbor, Michigan, and I am home with both the boys, who as I type, are driving me nuts because they won’t stop barking. They have set camp in the living room, alternating doors to bark at. They think Mike is coming back any minute now, and each noise they hear at the other side of each door triggers their loud excitement. I had to picked them up, bring them to the bedroom, and close the door… it was the only way they were going to let me hear the Tony’s on TV. There’s nothing more frustrating than watching TV and not being able to listen to it, especially when it’s the Tony’s.

Are you watching the Tony’s? My God, they are amazing this year. That Niel Patrick Harris is incredible. Talk about an opening act! And the shows? Fantastic! There are so many plays and musicals I need to see. When I lived in NYC I went frequently to the theater. My sister was my theater buddy. I don’t have one of those in Chicago. Plus, as a students I got discounts and offers sent my way, so there was that incentive too. Ah, Broadway. Ah, NY. I miss you so.

This weekend the summer fairs began in Chicago. It didn’t quite feel like summer, since it was 55F, but still we ventured to the art fair and so did everyone else in this 2.5 million inhabitants city. We met up with Mike’s sister, brother, sister-in-law, and itty-bitty-niece and walked though the very crowded fair. I fell in love with 3 different pieces, which I’m still dreaming about. But I don’t have 2-3 grand to spear right now, so they stayed with their original owners.

There are tons of events scheduled for the summer in Chicago. I used to love summers in NY because there was always something fun to do, so the overbearing heat was made a little more bearable. Chicago is similar, both regarding activities and heat. Summer doesn’t officially begin until June 21st, according to the calendar, but we all know it can snow in Chicago at any given random time, so don’t hold your breath. I do have the AC on tonight, so there’s always that.

On our very early morning walk with the boys (there’s no sleep for the wicked… or is it for the dog owner?), we discovered a farmers market in Rogers Park. It’s open on Sunday’s from 8 to 3pm. So now we know. And so do you, if you didn’t. Rogers Park has this artsy/healthy/tree-hugging area in which there are a few small theaters and health conscious restaurant, which seem to have been around for a few decades now. That’s the area where the market sets post on Sundays, just in case you’re near by and interested.

So there you have it, my weekend randomness. I’ve been meaning to get back to blogging more frequently, and thought if I kept waiting for major topics to write, I just wouldn’t. So bare with me as I use daily occurrences to get back into blogging mode. Hope your weekend was great, and it was filled with outings, walks, art, and lots of barking, as mine was.

Missing home and thank you

I got an email this morning from my mom with a link to a video. My mom is constantly sending me links to videos, articles, and the sort about Venezuelan news. This one was a group of reporters and news people from Globovision, signing a song to Venezuela. At the end, one of them says “and here we continue, and we will never leave, because our commitment is with Venezuela”. I teared up a bit. Because of all the injustice occurring in Venezuela, it’s not hard for me to tear up. But something that always hits home for me, is to be reminded that I left, that I’m not there fighting the fight. And because my parents retired, sold their house and now live in Miami, I don’t really have a home to go back to and visit. I haven’t been back to Caracas since July 2010.

As we were driving out of a parking garage this weekend, I got the sense I was exiting el Sambil, and it hit me, I miss Caracas. I miss the people, the city, the weather, el Avila, the food, just being there. It’s a little unsettling not knowing when and if I will go back. Not because I don’t want to, but because I don’t really have anywhere to stay, and since my immediate family is here, I rather spend my time and money visiting them in New York or Miami.

I’ve lived abroad plenty of times before. I’ve missed my country when I was away and missed New York, when I was back in Caracas. But since there is no return date this time, the longing and missing feels a little more permanent. And the guilt of no being there to help, to fight, to make things better, really stings sometimes.

As we celebrated Memorial Day this weekend, and we thought about those who fought and still are fighting for this country (agree you with the fight or not), I think about how I left and how a part of me feels like I let my country down, and now I live in a country in which I will always be a foreigner, an outsider, not because I can’t blend in, but because it just doesn’t feel like home.

Happy Memorial Day. And thank you to all of you who fight the fight, who stand up for your country, who don’t leave, and who make it possible for someone like me to leave my country and live here safely.

The Armor of Light

I’m driving to work the other day and see a young guy, college kid I would guess, with a sign that says “Romans 13: 11-12″. So of course I look it up; there was something matter-of-fact about him. And this is what it is:

 

Romans 13: 11-12

The Day Is Near

New International Version (NIV)

¹¹ And do this, understanding the present time: The hour has already come for you to wake up from your slumber, because our salvation is nearer now than when we first believed. ¹² The night is nearly over; the day is almost here. So let us put aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light.

On sadness

Do you ever feel blue for no particular reason? Like, your life is fine, but you’re still sad? I mean, sure not everything is perfect all the time, there’s always that coworker you rather just shut-up already, or the neighbor who makes too much noise, or a boyfriend that occasionally gets snippy, or a dog that bites without a cause, but in reality there’s no real life/death situation here, so why the sad face? Does this ever happen to you?

Sometimes it’s hormonal, that I know for a fact. Because when it is, the sadness is overpowering for a few hours or maybe a day, and by the next day it’s completely gone. And usually I’m left wondering “what the hell?” Because I don’t get how I could have felt doomed the day before, and giddy today. And the reason? It’s non existent.

But other times, it’s not hormonal, it’s a mild, lingering sadness, that if prompted, say by a song, a memory, or a photo, I could easily break in tears for no real apparent reason. New York. Thinking about NY and how much I miss it, will get me every single time.

I’ve been battling this flu that has me in a fog, and blowing my nose every other minute, which does not do anything to help with the sadness. But I don’t think a flu, aside from being bothersome, would make me sad. I think that I’m just overall unsatisfied, and when things happen, be them insignificant or issues that really need tending to, the sadness comes back. Or, to be frank, I don’t know if it’s ever truly gone. It lingers, like a shadow or a veil ever so slightly hanging over me.

I have huge, high, impossible expectations of myself and others. And I’m constantly disappointed by both. Work has been very disappointing lately and I’m frustrated. I’m hanging in there because I have a research leave coming up, which will liberate me from teaching and serving on committees, until January of 2014. I am literally counting the days. I have 26 more work days left until I am free. Free to write and do research that is, because it is a research leave after all, for which I have a list of accomplishments I need and want to get done. I am so looking forward to this.

I have a ton of things to be grateful for. I know this. But when I’m in this sad mode I need to remind myself of them, all of them. If not, I tend to concentrate on the feeling, and it drives me a bit crazy to have this feeling and not understand where it’s coming from. If I were to be absolutely truthful, I know where this is coming from this time around, but because this isn’t the place to share it, I won’t. We all know what happened to Dooce because she shared things about her job online: she got canned. And we don’t want that happening.

So yes, I’m a bit blue. Things are a bit, well, not perfect. I say that knowing that things are never perfect. It’s my way of saying I know it’s not a big deal in the overall scheme of things, yet it still bugs me and makes me sad. So there. Right now, I’m a little sad.

The time Max bit Mike

It’s a little past midnight, I’m fast asleep, been asleep for a while now actually, when I’m woken up to “he got me, he got me good this time!” And there was blood, a lot of blood, on the bed, all over the bathroom sink and counter top, all coming from Mike’s face, his lip to be exact.

“Let me see. What happened?”

“I think I need stitches. I think you need to take me to the ER.”

“Let me see. Yep, get dressed. We’re going to the hospital. Max, what the hell?”

Max is then roughed up by a very pissed Mike, while we get dressed and off we go, half asleep, and still slightly buzzed from the margaritas we had for dinner (it was Friday night after all). Three hours later, after seeing 4 nurses and 1 doctor (talk about bureaucracy) and finally getting the 9 stitches needed, we are off home, with a prescription for antibiotics and neosporin.

Mike’s lip is swollen and bruised. His scabs are slowly forming and falling off. He looks worse than it is. Advil is helping with any remanence of pain and with the inflammation. He’ll go to his regular doctor tomorrow and get the stitches removed by the end of the week. It wasn’t so bad after all, yet still he got bit by one of his own dogs. What would have happened if Max had gotten him in the eye? It’s quite disturbing if we think about the possibilities.

Max is in the dog house. It’s a good thing he’s so darn cute, if not he would have been driven to the pound the very next day. Mike doesn’t believe in getting rid of his dogs, even if he does end up in the emergency room. But it’s no secret Max has issues, psychological issues, and we need to figure out how to deal with them. Specifically, he gets crazy possessive, and the sweet loving cutesy he is in the mornings, is an angry, aggressive little devil at night when he either gets a hold of something he claims as his own and fears someone will take away from him (e.g., a toy, a bone, or me, when he’s cuddle up to me in bed). So he growls, shows his teeth, and if someone gets close enough, he’ll bite.

I’ve read about crating and how that helps confine dogs and provide a sense of security for them, sort of like swaddling a new born. We have a crate and I think it’s time we began using it. Max won’t like it one bit, but something needs to be done. Mike doesn’t like the idea, will we crate Max and not Charlie? Will we crate them both although Charlie doesn’t really need it? If you have any insights, please share and help us out here. I’m really not sure what to do with Max, but I know something needs to be done, soon.

Size 4 no more

If you have seen me in photos lately, it’s no news to you that I have gained weight. Close to 15 pounds to be exact. In the almost 3 years since I moved from NYC to Chicago, I have gained almost 15 lbs. THE YIKES!

I haven’t really tried to lose the extra weight, to be frank. I’ve stopped exercising regularly and I tend to let myself eat anything I want, whenever I want, which in my case results in binge eating not so healthy snacks throughout the day. I’ve been “hooked” on Bubble Gum (the sugary retro kind), potato chips, milk chocolate (don’t like the dark stuff), lollypops, sweet-tart chewable candy, ice cream, sugar cookies, salty peanuts, cheese, pistachios, and the like. I go through phases with food, as you can tell.

The weekends are the worse. We eat out a lot and because I feel like I don’t eat that well to begin with during the week, I indulge on the weekends… over indulge sometimes. The result? None of my size 4 pants fit me anymore, and this winter I had to make a reluctant run by some stores and buy a few winter size 6 pants because I was freezing my not so little tushy off wearing dresses, and sitting at work with my pants undone so I wouldn’t get a tummy ache was not cutting it any more.

I blamed it on turning 40 and having my hormones change and my metabolism slow down. But the truth is I haven’t really decided “this is it! Enough! I’m losing the weight!” and gone all crazy-diet-lady on myself yet. It’s needed, but it hasn’t happened, and I’m not sure that when it does happen I’ll get the immediate results I attained back in 2008 when I went for losing 17 lbs and accomplished it in 3 months. But again, I need to try.

Long story short, I am getting rid of all of the clothes that have been taking up space in my closet for the past few years. Not that I don’t believe I won’t lose the weight, or that I won’t try, but I’m in need of a major Spring cleaning, and if and when I do go back to size 4, I’ll buy new clothes. So if you are in the market for gently used, some never used with tags still attached, let me know. I’ve opened a little shop on eBay and have been advertising my clothes there this week (my seller name is polin_jm). I’m not sure if I’ll re post them if no one purchases them, so I’m thinking if I can’t sell them for cheap, I’ll just give them away. So again, if you are fortunate enough to still fit into a regular size 4, I have dress pants, casual pants, jeans, shirts, an even an H&M silk dress I’ve never worn, that could potentially be all yours. Just give me a shout out.

Below are instructions from eBay.com on how to search a seller’s items:

To search for items by seller:

1. Click the Advanced link at the top of the eBay home page.

2. Under the Items heading on the left side of the page, click By seller.

3. Enter the seller’s user ID (polin_jm). If you’re not sure of the seller’s user ID, select the Show close and exact user ID matches option.

4. Click the Search button.

Ayuda Astrológica

¿Necesitas Asesoría Astrológica?

Columba Gómez te puede ayudar!

Ella es una Asesora Psico-Astrológica,  y hace  Cartas Natales y Revoluciones Solares.  A un costo de $75, cada una. Esto incluye una cita inicial (puede ser vía Skype) y un informe escrito (Inglés o Español). Hace CN para niños,  a fin de orientar a los padres en su proceso formativo. También hace sinastrías para parejas,  socios,  hermanos,  padre e hijo.

Si necesitas asesoría, avísame y te pongo en contacto con ella.

After Spring “Break”

Spring Break came and went, and I was truly exhausted afterward. I worked every day, even on Easter Sunday, to get everything done in time. The first week of the Spring quarter started and I was tired and still feeling like I was trying to catch up and a bit behind schedule. It was crazy! I really hope next year I can organize myself better and not have to be scrambling during this time of year. Maybe I will even be able to spend it Miami, as I had initially planned this year.

On week 2 of this term, a couple weeks ago, the Venezuela elections were to take place, so even though I had several meetings on Friday and then class on Monday night, I bought my tickets and off I went to NYC (I’m still registered in NY) for the weekend, to be able to vote on Sunday April 14th. This time Mike was able to come with me. He had never been to NYC so it was a treat that his first time there was with me, and I could show him my favorites places and take him around my home town.

We didn’t win the election, or better said, the Chavistas once again committed fraud and stole the elections form us. We are still in the process of having the votes recounted and having the whole thing reversed, but they are many and hold all the powers in Venezuela, and will not let go of the banana (soltar el cambur) that easily. So the fight continues, and we pray that God has mercy and justice is able to surface, because it has been 14 years, it’s enough already.

Mike liked NY. We didn’t get to see or do half the things I had on an initial list I made before going. We strolled my old neighborhood and spend some time in the UES. We went to midtown, east and west, the UWS and of course Central Park. We went to my favorite bakeries and ate bagels and pizza, but the one thing we did, that I know was Mike’s favorite, was go to the Yankee Stadium and watch a game. The Yankees lost, but the game was good and the seats were incredible. It was an awesome experience, and I’m glad I got to share it with Mike, and Cas and Soph, who also came with us.

I miss NYC. A couple days after returning, on Tuesday afternoon, I was posting my photos to FB and for a fraction of a second thought I was still there. When I realized I wasn’t, this overwhelming sadness covered me completely. I so wish I was still living there, being able to take it for granted because I could just soak it all in whenever I wanted. But I didn’t have any time to entertain the sadness, so as soon as it hit I thought “what can I do to get rid of it?” and the immediate response was to spend time with my boys. I didn’t give it a second thought, I packed a bag and put in the trunk of my car, and that night after class, I headed out to the suburbs instead of driving home, and got to spend an unexpected Tuesday night out in Minooka with my three boys. They were so surprised, and I was so happy I went to be pampered. Love those guys!

So here we are back in the swing of things, rolling on week 4 of the term with enormous wishes for it to be June already! But alas, Spring is finally here (hopefully to stay) after all the rain and floods we’ve had last week. So there is always that, a sunny day will always make anything better.

Spring Break

Spring Break starts today. Holy Week, or Semana Santa began last Friday in Venezuela and everyone is at the beach. My sister and her kids, who have off from school, are in Miami basking in the pool, sun, and sea. My students are all mainly resting and taking it easy, either at home or somewhere warm and nice. I on the other hand, am here swamped with work and covered in cold weather and snow (!). Spring is nowhere to be seem in Chicago. And a break? Well, what break? Break from teaching maybe, but not from work.

This week will be spent grading student’s work and posting grades. Preparing syllabi and courses (I’m teaching two next term) for next Monday when everything begins again. Scheduling student teacher’s visits and observations for next week. And preparing my 3rd year review which is due the 30th of March. Oh, and ambitious me, would like to do my taxes as well.

If you are actually having Spring where you are, or are on a true break, I hope it’s wonderful. And do me a favor, enjoy it for both us, will ya? Because I won’t have a break until the end of June, and even then I will have to refocus my energy and start writing that book I need to have done by November. It never ends people, it never ends. But here’s hoping Spring does actually come sometime in April and does not leave us waiting until May.