July and August are anniversary months for me. On July of last year, I got Max. In August of 2010 I moved to Chicago from NY. And this August it will be 1.5 years since Mike and I started dating. Anniversaries have a tendency to make me stop and think, so this is where I find myself now.
Aside from anniversaries, summer has also been the time for me to disconnect, and reconnect. Disconnect from the business of life, and reconnect myself with reflective thoughts. A sort of gathering myself, and taking stock of where I am and where I want to go next.
This summer has proven to be a mix bag of sorts. I had surgery, spent 3 weeks in Miami with family being pampered, recovering, and doing a lot of nothing, I have gone to the beach, explored Chicago, gone to art fairs and baseball games, seen friends, eaten out, read, rested, slept, and spent time with Mike, the boys, and family in general. There has been a little work done too here and there, not all as much as I expected, but I guess that’s ok, I needed the down time. And the free time, especially to look for an apartment since I am moving in September.
But I have also had some time to pause, take a breath and relax. Relaxing helps me get in-tuned with what’s important. When I’m lounging around, reading what I call “fun stuff”, and just seeing the days go by, is when I get my insights of where to go or do next.
I feel like I have a lot on my plate right now, a lot of potential changes and others which are imminent. (1) Mike and I have been talking of where we are going next with our relationship, without much of a next step decided on yet. (2) My lease is up and I don’t want to renew it, because I want to see if I can purchase a place and stop paying rent. (3) I love my job, but I am constantly asking myself if this is what I really want to do, as in forever, so there’s always that. (4) I miss my family and friends, whom all live far away, and seem to be questioning if staying in Chicago is the right thing for me.
But this time I have embraced my pondering by being happy, taking it easy, living in the moment as much as I can, and thinking positive. Everything will sort itself out, and as much as I need “to do” in order to get things to actually occur as I would like them to, I also need to trust the plan, and let things be as they may.
So here I am celebrating my anniversaries, and letting things flow. Because at the end of the day, things do turn out as they were supposed to, and if I just trust that as a fact from the beginning, I can save myself a loft of grief during the process. If we are going to go through the uncertainty regardless, why not go through it with a smile, am I right?