Last weekend Mike came baring gifts and cupcakes; we were supposed to celebrate my birthday, go out do something fun. He was willing to do anything I wanted, but I couldn’t make up my mind because I wasn’t that cheery to begin with, and really didn’t feel like celebrating. The previous week had taken a toll, an emotional toll. So on Sunday we had one the most honest and sad conversations I have had in a while.
We spoke, we listened, we gave each other time to think and after a few days we decided to put this to rest. We passed the page. People make mistakes every day, people also learn and change from their mistakes, and it was time to learn whatever there was to learn, and let this mistake go.
Realizing I make mistakes too and letting this one go, was a little freeing. I feel a little lighter now, I’ve let go of the hurt and the sadness, and everything that happened that week and now I can look forward and smile. People go through rough patches all the time, but it’s how you come out of them what really counts. I want to think we both are better because of it.
This weekend felt as if nothing had happened. I was afraid we couldn’t go back to where we were and continue from there, but we can, we did, we are, and it makes me happy to know that we both can do that.
Remember how “learn to let go” was my only big goal for 2011? I was thinking about that the other day, and about how this year has truly been about letting go. I noticed the other day, while walking Max, that when he encounters another dog, right before he even starts growling, I say “let it go Max, shake it off, you can let this one go”. I hadn’t noticed until then, that I always tell him this, and how it’s so in tuned with what I’m working on too.
I was taking a shower sometime this week, after a particularly uncomfortable incident with a student, giving myself a little pep talk about not taking things so personally, letting them go, not letting it get to me or affect my mood in such a way it determines my whole day. And I remembered my goal. And I remembered how I could let the whole thing with Mike go, and I felt a little proud of myself, because yeah, I have loads to learn still, but it’s a start and I’m really happy about that. I can let go. I let go. Just let go. And I’m helping Max let go too. Or maybe he’s the one helping me, who knows? The point is we’re learning, we are all learning, letting go, and moving on.