Rough patch

Max and I were supposed to head out to Mike’s last weekend, but we didn’t. Mike’s nephews were to spend the night at his place on Friday and I really didn’t want to sleep in the guest room. I get the whole wanting to protect children from seeing unmarried couples sharing a bed, but the imposition of it didn’t sit well with me, so I decided it was better to stay home and let him enjoy his nephews on his own. I have my own bed to sleep in and actually like it very much, so why be uncomfortable?

The plan was to head out sometime Saturday, maybe after yoga and lunch, and meet up with him after the boys had been picked up. But then on Friday morning there was this episode with an email, and a photo and a very inappropriate message, which lead to an uncomfortable conversation about checking emails, lying and deceit, which lead to hurt and anger, and not really wanting to talk to Mike, let alone go over to spend the weekend. So we didn’t go.

The weekend was beautiful weather-wise. The sun was out, the temperature was warmer than the previous week, and people seemed happy and smiley. That’s what sun does to us in areas of cold winter weather, and it is always appreciated. I went to yoga, did laundry, cleaned up my place a bit and took a marvelous bubble bath I hadn’t had time for in ages. I watched TV, I graded papers, and realized all the things I neglect to do because my weekends are now filled (usually fun-filled) with Mike and the things we do together.

I was annoyed (mad and sad) about the whole falling out, but I did enjoy my me time, and realized I kind of miss it. I curled up in bed with Max and watched TV and took naps. It’s different when it’s just me and him, it’s quieter, it’s calmer, there are no random bites (did I tell you he bit me the other day? I forgot? Ok, story to come in the next Max post) and it just feels nice. I missed that, and I think Max did too.

Sunday was Mary’s baby shower. Mary is Scott’s wife, and Scott is Mike’s brother. So even though I hadn’t spoken to Mike since Friday (really don’t know why he hadn’t called to try sort things out, given he was the one who messed up) I went to the shower. I had RSVP, I had bought my gift, and really none of them had anything to do with what had happened, so why not go?

It felt a little uncomfortable at times though. I was asked what we had done Saturday night: Oh, I stayed in the city this weekend (nothing, or at least nothing together). They wanted to know what Mike was up to while I was there: Probably watching football (like I know, I haven’t talked to him in two days, your guess is as good as mine). And just generally asked about us: We’re good, fine (I’m not sure there is an us any more, but why get into it, let’s just have another mimosa).

I called Mike before heading over to the baby shower. I wanted us to meet after it so we could talk, and we did. We talked and figured things out, at least the beginnings of it. We talked more on the phone that night and I think we’re still digesting the whole thing. What does it all mean now? Can trust be regained? I guess time will tell. I care about him and I want this to work, but it’s not really up to me, so I guess we’ll see what happens next, and we’ll see if us holds through this with time.

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8 responses to “Rough patch

  1. So inappropriate text/email but you can’t have the girlfriend over when the nephews sleep over.
    Uhm. I know. Kind of two different things, but the European in me rebels against the double standard.

    • Well his sister (the nephew’s mom) suggested that if I was going to be there I sleep in the guest room, so that the boys could sleep with Mike in his bed. I suggested not going on Friday, but going over on Saturday and sleep in my own bed. Mike didn’t suggest anything… which was sort what bothered me.

  2. It’s hard to judge what was going on with this email and how you felt lied to and deceited without knowing any more details, but I find it kind of odd that he didn’t try to clear the air with you right away.
    How awkward that you had to initiate the talk.

    • I know, I didn’t offer a lot of details, sorry. I was vague purposefully though, because well, it’s not something I want to share with the Internet, and because I truly believe we will get pass this, and when we do he will then have been painted in a bad light, which is difficult to forget.
      I called Friday morning, when I found out, and we talked and he explained. He then sent me an email, which I didn’t respond, and called me again that afternoon. It was after that last call on Friday, that I didn’t hear from him again, until I called him on Sunday. He said he was giving me time, and I think he needed time too. We’ll see, it feels like it’s still lingering, but we are working on it.

  3. As much as we want to love the Internet, sometimes it turns its ugly head on us. I will tell you that Sweets and I had an Internet-related incident after we were married. It led to hurt feelings, apologies, awkward moments, etc. But, we worked through it and it’s a non-issue now. The key is that one of us felt a ton of remorse and the other was willing to forgive and to trust again. Without both of those, I think it would’ve been more difficult to put behind us. I hope Mike is genuinely apologetic and I hope you are able to trust again.

    • He is genuinely sorry and I am tying my best to trust again. Forgiveness doesn’t come easy to me, so I’m working on it. I think we need some time to let this pass, and then we will be able to see if we made it pass this or not.

  4. Forgiveness takes time. My Englishman and I had a super rough patch and i mean extremely rough patch in December last year. But here we are today. There wasn’t any deceit more a complete and udder out of nowhere “break up” he initiated that left me beyond stunned and devastated and many other things…but then, once his daemon had left him….and I do like to call it that. My therapist calls it “spells”..we all have spells or dameons that sometimes come out again when we thought we had overcome them. Or they get triggered when we get really close to overcoming them and strike out one more time…..its not an excuse, but it’s a possiblity.

    • It does take time, and as my sister says I need to let some water run under that bridge. For now, I think we’re going to let it go and wish for the best.

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