What do you want?

I can’t remember which song was playing on my drive to work the other day, but it quickly got me thinking about what I want in a guy. I want someone who knows me, really knows me. You know that guy who knows what you’re thinking before you even finish the thought? The person who knows what you like and how you will react? The person you can trust, with your eyes closed, all the time, every time? The guy who will do the right thing because he knows what’s right for you? Yeah, that guy.

That is what I want, a guy who knows me like that, to that extent. But that takes work and it takes time. It also takes patience and lot of flexibility, flexibility of mind. Let me explain.

I hate being labeled. The minute a person starts telling me “this is sooooo you” or you’re like this or that, or even worse, expects me act in certain ways because they “know me so well”, or is sure they can predict how I will react, think or speak, I get this uncontrollable urge to prove them wrong.

Another thing I hate, truly hate, is being told what to do. The minute people tell me I should, or need to, do this or that, I don’t want to do it. Even if deep down, or not even that deep, I know they might be right; just because they said I had to, immediately I don’t want to.  The thing is, people who know us and love us, have a knack for wanting to tell us what to do, it’s not their fault really, it’s their way of showing they care, and trying to protect us from what might harm us.

But… you see my dilemma? How is a poor chap going to get it right? It’s kind of impossible to do. How do you know someone to the core, inside out, and not label them? How do you know who someone is, what they stand for, and not define them? It’s contradictory, it’s complicated, I realized this on my drive to work that day.

I realized I might want the impossible. I want the guy to know me, but not label me. I want him to understand me and be able to predict how I will react, but still allowed himself to be surprised by me, because he knows I can’t be put in a box, he knows precise definitions are too constraining. I am, we all are, forever changing, and labels might be suiting for a while, but may quickly need to be removed too.

I know it sounds contradictory. I know it sounds difficult. But then again, I guess I am difficult… or maybe I just want a lot. I do have very high standards, and tend to expect a lot from people. I realize wanting a guy to fit this bill, is ambitious. But, I really don’t think it’s impossible. It’s challenging and probably a lot to ask from someone, but then it wouldn’t be me if it were easy, now would it?

How about you? Do you know what you want? Have you got it? Have you found it? Has it found you? Maybe you need to listen to that song I was listening to the other day… if only I could remember what it was.


4 responses to “What do you want?

  1. Was it Kate Nash “Nicest thing”? One of my fav! And what u wrote reminded me of it… That’s what I wish for 😉

  2. Well, I think we can get some things we want, or think we want. Especially if it’s something that really does hurt or annoy us. I think telling someone we don’t want them to say or do certain things is important, but we can’t expect it without communication. And we can’t assume that just because they say certain things, it means the same to them as it does to us. Sometimes I like to point out certain things about people to show that I DO love them, that I am paying attention. So, yeah, we have to talk about it and not simply expect it. Otherwise, it’s just immature. (Which I have been in the past.)

    • You’re so right, when we are expecting people to act in certain ways and say particular things, that’s when we get our expectations crushed. And crushed they should be, because they were unrealistic to begin with. Communication, that’s what it’s all about. Open, frank, honest and timely communication. I wish we were all good at it.

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