Yesterday it dawned on me, that I might just have the summer blues. Yes, break-ups are a bitch, homesickness is taking longer than I would ever want to go away, and work related stress can get to me. But as I was laying in bed yesterday, feeling restless and beginning to wonder if I was really doing what I wanted to do, and contemplating all the what ifs that accompany the answer to that question, it occured to be that this tends to happen to me every summer.
It’s not really a summer thing per se. But you see, having spent my entire life run by the academic schedule, summer is always the one big stretch of time in which I have down time. And for me down time is time to think, ponder, and reflect. And apparently, get boggled down by all the questioning regarding my life.
So last night, as I was looking into a doctorate in clinical psychology I’ve always wanted to do, and realizing it can take anywhere from 4 to 6 years to finish (and this is as a full time student, not neccessarily working fulltime as well), I thought to myself, maybe I should just focus on the next step in my life: getting married and having a baby (which I do want to do), or even better (within my inmediate control and realm of action) focus on getting better at what I already do, and excelling in the doctorate I alreday have. How about that for reframing?
So there. Crazy thoughts out. Productive, focus action in. Summer blues, I got your number. I know you, and know you cycle through my life. So I’m just going to learn to live with you, and let you go. Because, by golly, I’m determined to be happy with what is. And if there is something missing, as a friend of mine just pointed out a few days ago, then let it appear on it’s own, because I’m staying put, working on what I have on my plate right now, and not going out of my way or mind, to find some utopic thing, person or state. I’m staying right here, and focusing on right now, and making the very best out of it, so help me God!