A Bad Day

I cried so  much yesterday, and if today you ask me why, I would have to say, I don’t really know. I got up early to attend a workshop, and I was fine.  A little saddish, but nothing terrible; I was actually looking forward to Monday and starting my workshop and getting on the writing train, now that classes are over.

Somehow, after a brief chat with my sister over airline tickets and visiting dates, I got overwhelmed by it all, and quickly spiraled down through this sad, mad, frustrated tunnel. I wrote, because that’s what I do when I need to get emotions out. But I was so frustrated and mad still, I didn’t quite know what to do. You know when all problems and issues, big and small, that you might have lingering about, suddenly decide to attack you all at once? That’s what happened, and I felt trapped, like someone was sucking the air out of the room and I was about to suffocate. Tears were streaming down, faster than I could wipe them off, and writing was not cutting it. I knew I needed to talk to someone, but who?

I called my mom, no answer. I thought about calling Mike, but he was probably at work still. I called my friend Andrea, in NYC, and she was brilliant. She listened to me and calmed me down, talked me off the frustration ledge and offered suggestions of what to do with each of the various situations I have on my plate currently. All of which individually don’t seem like too bad, but put all together can be quite daunting.

There is the breakup, the homesickness, a situation with my sister which I have yet to talk about, a pending vacation to my parents’ which I really don’t have time for, and work, tons and tons of work I need to get done before the academic year starts all over again in September.

You can see where I could be feeling overwhelmed, right? The sadness is quite understandable too. But the being mad and frustrated with myself, you can only understand if you see my train of thought regarding all of these situations. I’m not going to get into it here, but lets just say I have a very strong sense of responsibility with it all, and seem to believe it is all a consequence of things I did or did not do, making it all my fault. So, yeah, I was furious with myself and frustrated with the fact I didn’t do what was called for, and I guess feeling overwhelmed, and thus just crying it out. Because sometimes crying is what we need to do.

The conversation with my friend Andrea really helped. And after that I decided to go to yoga, and that was blissful. Once I got home I called Mike and talked to him about it too, which also helped. At the end I was all talked and cried out, and feeling much better. I gained perspective, and I know what I want to do about it now.

I don’t think I am magically over everything today, but I understand there are bad days, and then there are good ones too. I just need to get my act together and resolve the things I can, start working on those that constitute a process, and let go of those that are beyond my control. Today is a better day. Today I’m not sad, mad, frustrated, or crying. Today things look different, and for that I am very, very glad.

11 responses to “A Bad Day

  1. There was a time in my life when I was overwhelmed with a number of situations. Like you, none of them on their own was all that bad, but add them together and it was stressful. Everyone I wanted to talk to was either too close to some of the situations or too close to me (and wasn’t providing the right perspective). I wound up talking to a therapist for a few months. It really helped me gain perspective and feel more in control of my life. Not saying you need therapy … just saying, I know the sensation of being overwhelmed by life. Hugs to ya.

    • You know, I have been thinking about going to see a therapist. I’ve gone twice to talk to a therapist before, and in both cases it was because I was going through emotional things similar to the ones around me now: feeling homesick and left out, and then because of a bad break up. In this case neither the breakup nor the homesickness are quite as bad, but pile them together and add a few extra things and wham, it feels just as overwhelming. I just might need to look into getting some objective help.

  2. I can totally relate….. sometimes life just feels overwhelming, too many things keep happening at the same time, you can’t catch a break.

    It’s great to know that you have friends to reach out to, but I do agree that Nilsa’s suggestion to maybe look into seeing a therapist for a while would be a good idea… just because they aren’t emotionally attached to you and might be able to give you a more “neutral’ advice.

    Hang in there. I am sending you a big hug.

    • Yeah, my friend Andrea has been of great help. She knows me since college, so it also helps to have the history there. But, yes, neutral, unbiased, objective advice is always appreciated, and I am going to look into a therapist… although with the way health care works here, I fear it will be another frustrating process to go through. We’ll see.

    • Thanks for the hug, I appreciate it greatly! 🙂

  3. Hmpf… I know, the health care part is not so fun… but maybe you can look into some nonprofit counseling centers in the area…. they don’t charge that much and you might be able to afford it without getting health care involved?

  4. I can definitely relate to it all coming down at once and feeling like you are suffocating from it all. I’m so sorry. That’s a lot to sort out and a person can only juggle so much. Sending you a big, big hug.

  5. I can so relate to that feeling of being responsible for it all, even if you aren’t really. And to have so many things outside your control also raining down, well that is just more overwhelming. It’s a lot to carry, and don’t feel bad saying you can’t carry it all. Who could?
    I read above that you mention looking into counseling/therapy, and I think that can be really helpful. It doesn’t mean that you’re not doing your best to seek help. Quite the opposite, actually. Hugs to you!

    • Thanks Lesley, I really appreciate the support, sometimes we just need to hear that others understand and that we’re not blowing things out of the water by feeling the way we do. Yeah, I will look into it… I’m not sure this is all triggered by homesickness (most likely), but if not, then something happened to me since I moved to Chicago and I want to figure out what it is.

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