Date 3, anyone?

I believe I’m turning into the two date wonder. I can’t for the life of me get to date number three with a guy lately. The truth be told, that might be a good thing, because who wants to wait until date five or six months into a relationship, to realize that person is not your person or you’re not theirs? Not me. Not again.

The thing is, kiss or no kiss on these dates, there hasn’t been much there for me. No real spark, no major enthusiasm, no pizazz. I don’t want to speak in these guys’ behaves, but I’m ready to bet my pretty buck, it wasn’t there for them either. Sure it was nice, pleasant, entertaining, and I’m sure at first, there were real intentions to see each other again, but as days go by, from one date to the next, it just doesn’t happen. The whatever little spark, if any, that was there, disappears, it vanishes, where to? I have no idea, but it’s gone. The interest wanes and the follow-up call, text or email is never made.

I wrote about it last week, when I was sharing my thoughts on my latest second date. And I was told not to settle, to wait for the pizazz, if pizazz was what I really wanted. People from this camp, the wait it out camp, tend to think this pizazz is either there from the very beginning (first date) or ti isn’t. Meaning it doesn’t develop with time, it doesn’t magically appear after you spend time with the guy and get to know him better. And I’m not sure I believe this to be true, at least not in my case.

I understand chemistry needs to be there from the get-go. I know this. I need to be attracted to the person, both physically and personality wise, to want to see him again. But wowed? For me, wowing takes time. I mean, unless he has the physic of Clive Owens or Patrick Wilson and the personality of Billy Crystal or Adam Sandler, then first impression wowing is really too much to expect for me.

People grow on me, with time. I’ve never in my life fallen in love at first sight, and I am a very visual person. It takes time, it’s slow. Months into the relationship I’m probably still on the fence about being in love with this man or not. That’s just me and I know it. I’m way too rational, I think way too much, I can’t help it, but at least I know this about myself. So going on a first or second date with the expectation to know from the get-go that “wow, this is it!” is not something I’m aiming for. I would like to make it to date three though, who knows, that might just be my lucky number!


2 responses to “Date 3, anyone?

  1. I didn’t know much regarding Mr. Darcy on our first date. I just knew it lasted six hours and that time flew. That it felt natural and easy and fun from the get go. That he contacted me the next day with a sweet text just to say he’d had a good time. There was momentum and energy and spark. A perfect storm of right timing and chemistry which isn’t always easy to find. I think if there is the feeling to contact the person then it’s worth pursuing even if you’re not 100% sold or feeling that WOW at the get go. But when things naturally peter out then you probably are getting a sign that it wasn’t right. Conversely, if you have to force the contact and push to see a person, it’s probably not the right relationship either.

    As you know, all relationships take work but how much is too much to make it worthwhile?

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