Venus is retrograde, and I’m feeling it. I don’t know if you know anything about astrology or even believe in the impact planetary energy pull has on our emotional states, but for me it’s quite noticeable. Apparently, when Venus, the planet of love and relationships, is in retrograde form, your emotions and thoughts go toward past lovers and relationships.
I knew that once I started dating again, meeting guys and getting myself in the frame of mind of opening to the possibility of falling in love with someone else, I would inevitably think about Jason. I knew I would compare the guys, compare what I felt then, what I feel now and knowing me, I also knew I would probably go back and forth between “I’m ready, lets move on” and “I might not be ready, maybe I’ll just give myself a little more time”.
Venus retrograde has not helped one bit. I’ve missed Jason very much these days. And I know, believe me, I know, there are things I should not miss. When I think about it, I can come up with a list of reasons why it’s best this way, why it’s actually better for both of us to move on and find partners that better fit with us. We both need people who are currently in a situation similar to ours so that we can accompany each other in a common path. In some pretty big things (e.g. finances and spiritual beliefs) Jason and I either don’t see eye to eye, or want different things because we are at different points in our life development. And at least, rationally, all of that justifies moving on.
But emotionally (and Venus is ALL about emotions) I can’t come up with that list of reasons so easily. Emotionally, and physically, I miss him, his touch, his smell, his skin. The little things really, the day to day things, how I felt when I was with him or thinking about him, that’s what I miss. And yes, I know I can have that with someone else. He is definitely not the only guy in the world, he’s not the last one. But right now he is my last one, and I think that’s why while Venus retrogrades, he’s the ex that resurfaces, he’s the one I’m having dreams with and comparing new guys to.
Venus starts moving forward on Thursday. So I guess I just need to hang in there for just a few more days, and maybe after that things will flow easier. Or at least, and this is my hope, the dreams and longing will stop. So if you’re revisiting old relationships in your head, or having these urges to call your ex and explore possibilities of rekindling the flame, now you know why. If you really feel he/she is who you truly want to be with, then go for it. But if you’re not so sure, hold it out until the end of the week, by the weekend, you might feel differently.
Update: It hadn’t been 10 minutes since I wrote this when I went into FB and found a video Jason had posted of himself singing… it was great, he looked happy. I was happy for him. I smiled. I remembered when he first sung that song to me, when he wrote it. I cried and smile at the same time. And ever since that happened this morning, I’ve been sad and on the verge of tears all day. I think I’m definitely hormonal and Venus is not helping me out one bit. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.