Are you online?

Me: “Three first dates in almost 3 months I’ve been here…”

Coworker: “That’s great. I think you’re on a good track.”

Me: “I’ve met one guy a month. How many months you think it will take me to meet one I want to go on a second date with? Wait, don’t answer that, let me just give myself a pat in the back, for at least having met these first three to begin with.”

I’ve come to dislike online dating. For several reasons really, don’t go off thinking I’m fickle like that. I love online shopping, it’s convenient, it saves time, I can do it at home in my pjs, and at late hours at night. Online dating is similar to online shopping in this sense, but the thing is, it’s people we’re talking about here, not things.

I feel online dating gives the user the false perception that people, like things, are disposable. If this one doesn’t fit, there are 10 more where that one came from. Different models, different sizes, different colors, different styles. Having so many options is awesome for things, it’s what this capitalist, consumerist economy is built on; the competitive market, supply and demand. That wasn’t designed to be implemented with people, yet when I’m online dating it feels just like that, and I don’t like it.

It can also be that I’ve been doing it for so long now, it’s gotten old. I can’t really bash it, it’s work for me to an extent. Most of the relationships I’ve had in the past decade or so have come from online dating sites. Some have been great, some have been a total fail, and some don’t even need to be mentioned, because really, they almost don’t count. But it has worked, I’ve even fallen in love with men I first met online, not many granted, maybe just one actually, but still.

Now if just the 19 year-olds would stop writing to me and making me feel like “Really?!” on a daily basis, maybe I could enjoy this a little more. That, or I’ll finally delete my profile when a student or coworker, god forbid, bumps into it and sends me a message. That would be almost as embarrassing as the “hooker hair” comment, remember that?


6 responses to “Are you online?

  1. The “people are disposable” thing really REALLY hit home for me. I totally understand what you mean by that! But – as you said – good things happen, too. Really, the search for a partner is one of the great universal difficulties, you know? You’re totally fabulous and amazing and beautiful, so it’s just a matter of time and timing. Big hug, friend!

  2. I agree, the search for a partner is a great universal difficulty. I’m starting to think other cultures have it right, but getting family members and people who know us well, involved in the process of finding a mate. At least in those cultures you have some help, some team work.
    Thank you for the kind words. I do believe it is a matter of time, and unfortunately timing… timing has never been on my side for some odd reason.

  3. I am kind of glad that I never had to try my hand at online dating. It sounds counter-intuitive in a way.
    But I think Abby is right: it’s all a matter of time and timing.
    You seem like such a lovely person – you’ll find your Mr. Right eventually.

    • I sometimes wish I had married my college boyfriend and not have to had gone through all of this, but then I’m reminded of all the reasons why it’s best this way, one being I’m not in love with him (important, huh?) and take things as they are.
      Thank you! I hope I do 🙂

  4. I can understand feeling frustrated with on line dating. I was getting very, very close to that right before I met Mr. Darcy. It does de-personalize it a bit and it’s rather impossible to sum yourself up in a profile. We’re too nuanced!

    My fingers are crossed for you though.

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