I decided not to give him the gift. JW is right, it will attach me further, and if what I need right now is to move on, the best thing to do is to walk away from all of this.
I did text him, he emailed back and I responded. This happened over the weekend. My final respond felt like a goodbye and I cried, I cried a lot. But I feel like this is what I need to do. I was searching for a message and I finally got it loud and clear (I love my guardian angel!): This relationship is over and now I need to focus on healing and feeling better. In the mean time I need to figure out what it is I want in a relationship (which I already know) and stick to that so that I can attract a same-minded man.
When I met Jason, the first time we ever met, I knew he was very different from any guy I’ve ever dated and far from the type of person I wanted and needed to fulfill my life plan. Regardless, I gave it a shot. He was such a sweet, nice, great guy, why not explore the possibilities? I don’t regret doing it. I enjoyed our time together, I was happier with him than I was by myself, and he made me realize that I can view things differently and allow myself to open up and love. For that, I will forever be grateful.
Right now I have a broken heart, one that needs mending. Time will do its magic and I will feel better, I have no doubt of that. I have a lot on my plate too, so that will keep me busy, although I have to say that having turned in my dissertation does allow for a lot of free time, which is sometimes spent on too much thinking I could do without. The weekends are especially hard, because I’m in the work hard during the week and play during the weekend mode and I used to spend all that play time with him. I need to book my free time and make sure I’m surrounded by people, which makes it easier for me and harder for the sadness to kick in.
Obviously, some days will be better that others. But I am enjoying the sun, jogging along the river, reading books for pleasure and NYC in the Spring. I plan to go to Central Park more, visit museums and see my friends more. I will get over this, in a few months time I will be ok again, I know it.
The gift? I’ll try to return it, although I think I can’t. I’ll try selling it on CL or something of the sort. And if not I’ll just gift it to someone else then, it won’t go to waist. I will be ok. Moving on is not easy and it takes time, but at the end I will be fine.