I posted that before, and then I started thinking I’m not being completely honest here. I saw Jason changed his photo on FB, he deleted profile pictures with me in them, he’s not following me on buzz any more (not sure he ever was) and is posting fun stuff on FB and twitter about baseball and funny videos. He’s moving on. And if he is moving on then that means he WILL NOT come back, change his mind or contact me to get back together. Whatever hopes I had of that happening need to be let go, and that’s why I’ve finally decided I need to move on too.
I was, until yesterday, in the middle ground. Not completely on the wishing he’ll come back and hopeful that he’ll indeed change his mind with time side (because I didn’t quite 100% believe that was possible), but not completely to the “ok, enough already, lets turn this page and get on with life” side either. I wanted, and still do, to keep myself open, positive and not, for the life of me, let my ego and pride take over. I think by removing him from the blog today, I actually did let my pride win a bit by saying “you’re moving on? Well, so am I!”
I want to and need to stay present, stay alert in the present moment so that I can be in-tuned and enjoy whatever is happening right now. I want no regrets I want to look back and smile, not torture myself with “what ifs”. I feel that there is something in the air right now, some synchronistic force around me. 33 is all over the place. Antonio showed up from the woodwork to wish me luck and keep me positive. All my horoscopes predict good things in love and life. I got back and there was a missed called from Moravian. I need to keep myself present and positive, keep the hope alive that things will turn out for the best. Moving on needs to mean not closing the door on him and slamming the past away angrily. It needs to mean I feel better, I am able to focus on what needs to be done now and be open to all possibilities, be it with him or with out him. Because at the end of the day I do believe things happen for a reason and there is good to be gained from it all.