Better today

Yesterday I ventured out of my apartment for the first time in days. More so in search of company and not wanting to be alone, than anything else, but even so going out seem like a big step forward for me. I went over to my sister’s to spend the night. At first, when I got there, it didn’t seem as the greatest idea, but after a lot of talking and crying I felt much better. Liz gave me a sleeping pill and I slept through the night, which made the world of a difference.

Today I had a full day, packed with going to Nick’s recital at school, yoga, picking up some papers at TC and then chiropractor appointment. Up until last night I wasn’t sure if I could get through all that or if I’d lose it before or during any of those to-dos, so I started the day a little weary of the results. As it turns out I cried much less today. I’m thinking that since it’s day 4, and 4 has to be better than 3, today was actually much better than yesterday.

I decided to take my parents up on their offer and go to Venezuela for the week. So I leave Friday and come back 10 days from then. At first I was ambivalent, not sure if it was a good idea given I still have a ton of work to do on my dissertation. But I need emotional comfort right now, and what better place than a beautiful beach town surrounded by my family, who has always loved me unconditionally? I think there’s no place better for me to be at this time.

I also was hit at some point during the day with an epiphany and since then have been strangely calm. I haven’t cried since early afternoon. This is progress.

I think the combination of these three things (being it day 4, the trip home and the epiphany) has made today the best day yet. I think it will only get better from here. Sure, I’m not discounting the fact that tomorrow might not be as great again, but I’m telling myself “baby steps”, “one day at a time”, “focus on the present” and I think that’s helping.

I smiled today too. I’m usually a smiley person, but had not smiled in days, and today I smiled quite a bit. That right there is a win in my book. Also, I got “The Time Travelers Wife” DVD in the mail, I went back to the pizza place and I bumped into a Mr Softee truck, and didn’t lose it or break out into tears any of those times. Progress I’m telling you! Progress!

3 responses to “Better today

  1. Que bueno que vas a casa JEN, ya lo decía Dorothy en The Wizard of Oz: there's no place like home. Verás que estar con tus papás y en un ambiente más cozy (porque por ahora será más cozy que NY), servirá para que te sientas mejor. No dejes de tomar fotos y comprartir, quizás te ayude para distraerte un poco. Big hugs for baby steps.

  2. Mond – Es asi Ing, "there's no place like home". Y si, voy a tomar fotos y disfrutar de estar alla lo mas que pueda. Gracias por los abrazos, los necesito! 🙂

  3. Ay, chica, Qué cosas. La vida se me pone ocupada, dejo de leer y regreso a ponerme al día. Habiando leído lo último que has escrito sé que estás mejor, pero igual. Qué pena que hayas pasado por este dolor. Y ¿sabes lo más raro? Que llevaba rato pensando en tí y my "gut feeling" me dijo que algo pasaba hace tiempo. ¿Raro no? Pensar en eso en los dìas en que estabas en medio de esta tristeza. Ahora sé que estás mejor. Igual te mando un abrazo enorme y me siento mal de no haber podido leer esto en su momento para darte mucho, mucho apapacho.

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