We like what we like, or is it what we are?

I don’t know that I’d call it a type, but there’s definitely a certain kind of man I am attracted to. I usually turn heads for tall, fit, attractive, clean cut, good smelling men. I fall for intelligent, accomplished, confident, go-getter, disciplined, over achievers. I love sweet, kind, emotionally available and caring men. But in the long run, it tends to work, with men that share my values and beliefs and who want the same life project I do. The ones that stick around the longest are the ones that are most like me.

I was skimming through a magazine the other day and bumped into an article about how fast we can size up a potential partner, claiming three minutes was more than enough. Fisher, the author, states that what we first notice are looks or physical appearance. Once that has passed the test we then regard their voice and after that the words they choose to speak. Velocity of speech and depth of voice apparently have a say in this equation, as does the person’s vocabulary. These things let us know how educated the person is, and even influence our appreciations for their looks, since “women typically regard rapid talkers as more educated and men with full, deep voices as better-looking than they are.”

What really struck a cord with me was this quote: “We like people who use the same kinds of words we use. We are also drawn to those who have a similar degree of intelligence, share our religious and social values, and come from the same economic background – and we quickly determine these attributes from a man’s words (not to mention how he dresses and wears his hair, whether he’s carrying a briefcase or a soccer ball, and if he’s sporting a gold watch or a tattoo). “

I read this article and it made so much sense to me, because sometimes I think I’m being classist or prejudiced to some extent when I say that I just could not date an Atheist or non-Christian, someone uneducated or who has no political opinions, or, for the love of Pete, someone who doesn’t want/love kids. It just wouldn’t work and I know this. This article I read just confirms it. So I guess I can safely say, in Sophie’s words, “fius”, hand gesture and all!


3 responses to “We like what we like, or is it what we are?

  1. I think we just KNOW. And that's good enough for me. I can't date a guy that can't spell. I know. It's awful.

  2. Then there are guys like me, that grow on you like a fungus! Lust is immediate, Love takes a little longer..

  3. Kate – 🙂 we all have our "can't stands" and I think the more aware we are of them, the better off we are in the long run. Buffalodick – 🙂 You know, they did say in the article people tend to like others better the longer they know them, so giving people the benefit of the doubt and, in this case, the benefit of time, can pay off as well.

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