Dating again, or at least trying

Remember that I had decided to go on a break from dating? Well, the break is over. Meaning, not that I’m dating someone in particular, but that I’ve activated profiles and am willing to go out on dates and start dating again. Well, at least for the month of June.

I decided to expand my horizons of online dating and try luck with other sites. I had used for quite a while, but after a few years on and off, I kept seeing the same guys. I left match some time back and never looked back. Last summer I discovered POF and thought, even though it doesn’t have a pretty interface or cool features, it’s free and it’s new to me, so why not?

Well, why not was answered soon enough. There’s something about free sites that makes it easy for people to under value the whole approaching, emailing, and making contact technique. One thing I’ve noticed in POF, and to be fair other free online sites, is that the pickup lines are far from great; the guys don’t seem to make an effort. It’s like they’re thinking “this isn’t costing me anything, there’s nothing to lose, so why give it my best shot?”

I am now using two sites, one is paid, one is free. They are both surprisingly pretty looking (I’m all about the pretty, I’m shallow that way) and have a variety of perks like tests, questionnaires, compatibility ratings and even ways in which you can rank people according to how much you like them, to make it easy for the program to match you up. It’s not like eHarmony, oh please no. I made the mistake of letting a friend convince me to try it out and completely regretted it. I’m a hands-on kind of person and as I said before looks are VERY important to me when it come to chemistry, I need to be physically attracted to the guy. So to have them send not so pretty boy after not so pretty boy for a month, was enough to drive me mad and want my money back. Which of course I didn’t even bother asking for.

Anyhow, POF had proven useful for a while, but then I was getting around 5 to 10 emails a week from guys I wasn’t interested in and being the person I am, I felt compelled to respond, even if it was to say “thanks, but no thanks”. So for months, once a week I sat in front of my POF inbox and sent these “no thank you, but I wish you the best” emails and then held my breath. You see, some guys just read them and let it be, some others answer back kind words of “thanks for your response”, but others get mad or want explanations. Those I dread.

To be fair the bitter ones were few, but I guess they were the ones that stuck out the most. I even had one guy answer this very long email explaining how he thought just not answering was the best way to go. Contradictory, given he had just answered my email? Yeah, I thought so too. But the ones wanting explanations were the ones that killed me. They were nice guys and just wanted to know why we weren’t a good match. I usually just deleted those and left it at that, thinking “believe me dude, we are not a good match, stop asking why”. But there was one guy who caught me at a fed-up day and I responded: “I’m not attracted to you, it will never work.” He’s response was something along the lines of it being an acceptable point. My thought? “Duh” and I’m sure he was kicking himself for having asked, who the hell wants to be told you don’t find them physically attractive? No one, that’s who.

So back to the present and the free site. I’m starting to get these lame, not even half effort emails again. One dude sent me his number and wants me to call him so that I can prove to him I’m real. Here I’m thinking “you’re the guy, you do the calling dude!”. Another says I’m cute and he sure wishes he gets a chance to pinch my cheeks sometime soon. Like I’m 5 or something. Another guys wishes he were younger, yet doesn’t do anything for me to reconsider my age limit. And the kicker is a dude who plain out asks what will it take for him to be able to have intercourse with me. Yep you heard it right, plain out, just like that, not even a hello or a goodbye, just the question.

Now, call me picky but I like men to actually try. This guy blew me away because, not only did he not read my profile to find out what I wanted to see if maybe we were compatible, but he wanted me to do the work for him. Not only did he just want to get laid, but I needed to tell him how and what he needed to do in order to do so. Now I think we just reached rock bottom, or that was just the worst pick-up line I’ve heard ever.

I bet those of you attached are valuing a little more your significant others right about now, huh? But no worries, I’ll keep on trying. I’ll keep on deleting the selfish, no effort, or plain rude emails and respond to the nice guys, even if it is to say no thanks. And hopefully there will come a guy who besides being attractive, actually has something to offer and something good to say. They’re out there, I’m sure, it’s just a matter of time, right? Right?!


7 responses to “Dating again, or at least trying

  1. If only I had a blog when I did the online dating thing. So many stories to tell! I couldn't agree more with your interpretation of how people use free sites. I used one once. And got off quick. The other thing to consider is the better known the site, the more people are using it, the more chances you have to meet new & interesting people. I always liked for the same reasons you do (though I think eHarmony has it's place for some people, just not me). I'd use it for a few months, get sick of it and retire for a few months. Back and forth for years. Until I finally met Sweets. On A few years later and he's now my husband. All I can say is, don't give up. There are lots of guys out there and there is most certainly at least one worthy of your time and love!

  2. Ugh dating is such a pain in the arse with or without dating sites. Although I think dating sites are comparably easier to reject guys. I’ve heard some good things about OKCupid, so maybe try that? Either way good luck!

  3. 21st century’s version of mail-order brides…

  4. SoMi’s Nilsa – I love your story, it’s so inspiring. No worries, I don’t plan to give, he has to be out there somewhere for sure. Passionista – It is a pain either way. yeah, that’s one of the sites I’m using, but it’s also where I’ve gotten all these crazy emails. Thanks for the luck!buffalodick – or grooms, depending on your fancy ; )

  5. RIGHT! Keep trying, it'll come good 🙂

  6. jojo – mmmm "onlinbe"? I think I'll pass. The Sarjent – I hope so, it has to, right?

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