I think it dawned on me last night. The reason why I have this feeling of wanting to pull myself out of the dating game and give it a break, is because I’m bored. This is a first for me. I’ve been feed up with it all, tired of the interviewing process, and quite had it with lameness and jerks, but bored? I had never been bored before.
Up until now it had been a game, fun, thrilling, competitive at times even. I guess not so much anymore. And the thing is, I’m not blaming my boredom on others. My lack of interest is not necessarily due to the fact that guys are lacking something (although most of them are), but more so to the fact that I seem to know the end of the story even before it begins. I’m bored with the whole dating scene, the process, the flirting, the work. And ultimately the fact that I’m bored reflects poorly on me too. I’m bored and thus I come across as boring as well. No one likes to be with a bore, right? And thus it becomes a vicious circle.
I think I definitely need a break!
About an hour after I wrote this I headed to the East River for a much needed and desired jog on a beautiful day. I started listening to Marianne Williamson and as I debated about continue listening to podcasts or go for music, I decided on Oprah’s third Eckhart Tolle radio interview. As I listened a caller asked about being in the moment and truly present when one is frustrated or bored. I perked up. She asked, how can one go about doing so? Tolle then explained:
“What is boredom? Boredom is when the thinking mind is looking for some kind of stimulus and is not finding enough, because the cleaning job [or whatever task] that your doing is not enough for the thinking mind, so it gets very bored and restless. It says I want something more interesting to feed on. So basically the mind begins to be active inside you and then the opportunity arises of being the awareness that observes what your mind is doing at this moment. So your mind is complaining perhaps about what your doing or doesn’t like it and has certain judgments about it. And then you may also observe the emotions that you have that come with those judgments, when the mind says I don’t want to be doing this, I’d rather be doing something else, what emotions do you have when the mind says that? Because to a large extent the emotions you experience are a reflection of your thought processes. So you observe the two levels, thinking, and the emotions as the reflections of the thinking in your body. And then you ask yourself, ok there’s the […] you become aware of the thoughts and you become aware of the emotions, the restlessness, the anxiety, and then you ask yourself, who am I at this moment? And you will realize you are not the thinking, you are not the emotions, you are the awareness behind them from where you can see, observe the thinking. And the emotions and the moment you realize you are the awareness, you’re actually in a different state of consciousness and you’re not bore any more. You’re totally present again, You are present as the witness and the observer or your thoughts and your emotions […] We get bored because we are looking for more stimulation for the ego.”
Apparently I am completely off mark here. It’s not the activity of dating which I need to drop, it’s the way I view myself in it which needs to change. I’m starting to feel like the employee who desperately wants a vacation, but his boss keeps on telling him “not now, not yet, wait a little bit until this passes”. Someone or something definitely doesn’t want me to take a dating break. I guess it would serve me right to listen.