“I don’t like Jazz.”
“Oh come on, maybe you just haven’t heard the good stuff.”
“Maybe. Maybe I haven’t, but I know that what I’ve heard, I do not like. It sounds like everyone is playing their own individual song, nothing goes together. It just sounds very chaotic to me.”
“Oh, you definitely haven’t heard the good stuff. You should try it, I’m sure you’ll like it.”
Why? Why is it so important that we like the same music? Why does it matter if I like jazz or I don’t? It’s not like we have to share the same iPod now is it? Who cares what music I like and if it’s the same or not as his? I’ve never quite understood why in the compatibility tests in online dating websites they make such a fuss about sharing likes in hobbies, music, films, sports and the sort. Maybe it’s me. Maybe it’s that these things seem meaningless to me when it comes to compatibility. Maybe it’s that they are not deal breakers to me. Maybe they are for someone else. Still, it seems to me that more common than not the guys I go out with seem interested in knowing what I like in order to see if we’re a good match, and to me this is a little irrelevant.
Right off the bat what I’m interested in is chemistry. I need to know, and usually do within minutes, if I’m attracted to the guy, if I’m interested in him and if I see myself being intimate with him or not. That’s pretty straight forward to me. If I’m not attracted there will be no launching, nowhere to go from there. We could be friends, but guys usually don’t like to be told that.
The next step once chemistry and attraction are there, is to determine what kind of relationship I will be able to have with this guy, if any. And this goes straight to what is important to me. Is he a good guy, meaning does he have his heart in the right place? Will he do the right thing when the rubber meets the road? This is about being honest and being responsible. These things I usually don’t know from the get go. I need some time, get to know the guy to be able to determine if there’s any integrity there, or if this will be just another emotionally stunt, self-absorbed, commitment phobic and ultimately just plain rude dude (I’ve had my share of each and every one of these). So depending upon his personality and values I know if it has the potential of being serious or if it will inevitably fall under the booty call, friends with benefits or just a few dates categories.
Once we’ve established he’s a good guy and I like him, then life goals and long term wants come into play. Does this guy want a family? Does he like kids? Will he want to have one one day? Is he close to his family? What does he deem important? Where do his priorities lie? What does he want out of his life? This is what’s important to me, not what kind of music he likes. I couldn’t care less about that. But I guess that makes for good small talk and for some people it might be important. Although really, do you see yourself saying “Hmmm, no, he’s not the guy for me because, can you believe? He likes watching basketball! Ugh, who can ever live with a guy that likes that?!”? Do you?