At some point last week I thought about quitting. Quitting dating that is. I even talked about it with my sister and tried to figure out how I would go about doing so. But you see, quitting has a negative connotation. It implies failure, it implies giving up, and I’m not a quitter, never have been, why start now? But still it was bugging me. I was feeling (still am) that there’s something here, in the dating department, to be done, and it involves stepping back, letting go, giving in. Yet, quitting didn’t seem as the right word to use.

A few days later I bumped into Marianne Williamson’s podcasts. She’s a spiritual speaker, who has a program on Oprah’s radio station. I had never heard of her until a few days ago and loved what she had to say. She mentions a course of miracles or some sort of program, but I just tune that out. And yes she speaks about Christ and I gather she comes from a Christian belief set because she talks about Jesus a lot too. But I think that even if you’re an atheist, there are valuable nuggets in these podcasts that might help you see things in a different light, at least that’s what her lecture did for me.

Marianne talked about surrendering. Surrendering instead of quitting, hmmm, somehow that sits much better with me. Of course, she wasn’t talking specifically about dating. She was referring to people having a divine self, a part of us that goes beyond the ego and can connect with grander aspects of ourselves. She emphasized that surrendering a situation to God is surrendering the situation to change; taking full responsability for our actions, behaviors and thoughts, focusing on the cause and what we did, to begin with, to help the unwanted effect to occur. She explains that once we focus on the cause and change it, the effect will be different as well. She goes on to say that we need not even worry about he effects, but focus on the cause. Once we have truly changesd the cause and start acting differently, then effects will occur by themselves. God (the universe or what have you) takes care of the effects, we take care of the cause.

So by surrendering those difficult issues in our lives, those wants, needs that surpass us, to the divine aspect of ourselves, we allow ourselves to truly grasp our roles and be able to mend them. Marianne explains a state of surrender, is a state of softness, atuned with our surroundings, which allows us to live a deeper more reflective life.

I think I’m ready to surrender. What about you?

Some other little nuggets from the podcasts:

“There is a power in you, but no of you, who can do for you what you cannot.”

“It is NOT too late.”

“A miracle is a shift in your own perception.”


7 responses to “Surrendering

  1. Absolutely! I used to call it “taking a break” from dating. Not giving up. But, not giving it my all, either. I found that when I didn’t put such emphasis on my life, it had a certain way of creeping back in. But, I felt more in control, because I didn’t place such importance on it. Does that make sense? Whether surrendering to God or choosing to focus your life elsewhere, I think there is some good that will come from your choice!

  2. The process that it takes for an alcoholic to sober up involves complete surrender. To the idea that I can’t live WITH alcohol and I can’t live WITHOUT it. So, what has to change in order to change that statement? Me. My thoughts. My actions. My way of being. I see dating in the same light. Once I give up the power it has over me to “find him,” my thoughts settle and become more rational and forgiving.

  3. Veel success on surrendering! Maybe you can focus elsewhere like places or classes you might just bump into someone with similar interests or something – like a calming meditation class…that seemed to work for a friend of mine. good luck again! (and I agree dating can be exhausting).

  4. Honey–This is bad news, but if you are still considering…then you are not considering it. When you still care enough to fight it, then you care enough. KEEP GOING! You are too fabulous to be alone. ~~Dee

  5. Jen, Yo creí que ya me había dado por vencida, pero parece que tu texto ha traído un aliento….Me gusta….Gracias por compartirlo…Voy a buscar a esta muejr en youtube, habrá que escuchar que dice….

  6. SoMi’s Nilsa – I think so too, besides it does feel good to just let go for a while, in fact i think that’s secret behind it, ultimately it’s not up to me any way. Kate – rational and forgiving, that does sound good. I think we could all use a big dose of that now and then. The Sarjent – yoga and meditations before falling asleep work wonders for me. I just need to remember the meditation part more often ; )Dee – No worries, I’m not giving in to being alone, I’m just placing the anxiety somewhere else. By surrendering I’m not saying I don’t want it, quite the contrary, it’s because I want it that I will place it the hands of God (or my divine self) a much better suited part to deal with such a complex situation. NuNu – Que bueno que esto te inspiro. Buscala, sus mensajes son muy claros y atinados.

  7. I’ve been thinking a lot on surrendering lately too. After I received this Daily Om:There are times when our minds become too full. Our to-do lists, worries, plans, and dreams may be so crowded together in our heads that we don’t have room to think. We may believe that we are somehow taking care of our desires and concerns by keeping them at the forefront of our minds. In maintaining our mental hold on every detail, however, we may actually delay the realization of our dreams and the resolution of our worries because we won’t let them go. At times such as these, we may want to use a surrender box.A surrender box allows us to let go of our worries and desires so the universe can take care of them for us. We write down what we want or need to happen and then place the note into a box. By writing and placing our thoughts in the box, we are taking action and letting the universe know we need help and are willing to surrender our feelings. We give ourselves permission to not concern ourselves with that problem any longer and trust that the universe is taking care of it. You may even want to decorate your box and place it in a special place. Your surrender box is a sacred container for your worries. Not only do you free up space in your mind by letting go of our worries and desires and dropping them into your surrender box, but you are giving your burden over to a higher power. Once we drop our worries and desires into the surrender box, we free our minds so we can be fully present in each moment.Surrendering our worries and concerns and placing them in the hands of the universe doesn’t mean that we’ve given up or have been defeated. Instead, we are releasing the realization of our desires and the resolution of our worries and no longer concerning ourselves with their outcomes. It’s always fun to go back and pull the slips of paper out of the box once your requests have been granted. And it’s amazing how quickly problems go away and dreams come true when we finally let go and allow a higher power to help us.

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