To delete or not delete? Now that is the REAL question

I’ve been meaning to write, really I have, but I’m … I don’t know what I am. Unmotivated, have nothing interesting to share, cautious of what I share lately, too lazy, avoiding the BIG topics? Take your pick, it could be any of those or a combination of sorts, but the bottom line is that I have this site abandoned and I even thought I would stop it all together. How’s that for drastic? But hey, that’s me, either or, black or white, all or nothing. Always have been drawn to be polarized.

I’m in the mood for banning, deleting or terminating something that’s for sure. I guess I might need a change. Last night out of the blue I had this very tempting thought of deleting the only profile I have left on a dating site and breakup with online dating once and for all. But I didn’t. At least, I haven’t yet. You see I have been online dating since what seems like the dark ages and I currently find myself with no guy to show for and an absolute exhaustion with the whole thing.

The other day I got an email from a guy that said, among other things, “who knows, this could be our last first date!” I smiled, oh yes, please, please let me have my last first date, I’m tired, no not tired, exhausted of dating and absolutely over first dates. Unfortunately, this guy was not my guy, so he had to be dismissed. Hopefully he will have his last first date with some other lovely girl. I, on the other hand, am already regretting the next first date, because really how many times can a girl explain where she’s from, what she does for a living and what she likes to do for fun? Not to mention the array of stupid questions some guys come up with, that we, because of politeness and nothing else, have to undergo.

It’s not so bad you say. Oh, but it is and I am starting to believe I’ve encountered it all. Like the guy that after two seconds of talking to me on the phone is convinced I am marvelous and couldn’t be any more precious. Two seconds dude. Now really, marvelous? Who’s going to believe that? There’s nothing like false adulation to tick me off.

Or the guy who kept on asking me how much I liked him and if I was into tall, blond, blue eyed men, after less than 5 minutes of chatting. I mean, yes physical aspects are important, I am that vain, but if you are a twit or a stuck up jerk, it doesn’t matter how good you look, I’ll never fall for you. So why not let me get to know you first, huh?

Or, the guy who one minute into the conversation asks about how the site is doing for you and why is it that you’re still single? I hate that guy. But I am polite, I know how to behave in social situations, so I oblige, I answer, I roll my eyes without anyone noticing and follow the conversation till the end, because after all I am nice and it’s one of my new year resolutions dammit! But at the end of the day I don’t enjoy dating, I endure it.

I’ve come to realize I am a relationship person. I’ve tried the casual thing, it doesn’t work, it fizzles away. I’ve tried the friends with benefits, but the benefits fade away quickly and there’s never any friendship left to be accounted for. I’ve tried the booty call and the oh-my-god-this-must-be-heaven-it’s-so-good guy and even though he’s the most difficult to drop, he has to go too, because in all reality that’s not all I want and apparently that is all he can provide. At the end I always want more. I want consistency, reliability, caring and respect. I want a man I know will be there for me no matter what, someone whom I can love and admire, and apparently that doesn’t come easily online. Yet, the profile is still up and I have a few first dates in my near future, because as my mother always says “la esperanza es lo ultimo que se pierde“. Wish me luck, because believe me, I’m going to need it!

12 responses to “To delete or not delete? Now that is the REAL question

  1. That is a LOT of questions rolling around in your head, missy. You’ll figure it out. You’re a smart cookie!

  2. Dating sucks. Totally and completely. I do not miss it. I am okay with being single but dating? NO. Tiresome and ego-killing.I don’t envy you BUT there is someone out there and when you meet him? It will be AWESOME.

  3. abbersnail – but you know, unfortunately, I don’t think this one is resolved with smarts… I think there’s a little fate, a dash of luck and a whole lot of believing needed in this mix. sizzle – I do hope so, I could use a little awesome in my life.

  4. Wow – I can pretty much identify with every single thing you wrote about how lame dating is. Maybe you should just get a dog instead! 🙂

  5. I only went on one blind date. I married her.

  6. Honey, I have sooooo been there. I was one of the first gals using match.com, back when people looked at you cross-eyed and scared for your life because you were going to meet some internet freak. I had my ups and downs with it. I fired my dating site many a time. Took down my profile. Resigned my membership. Each time, it felt like the right thing to do. And each time I signed back it, it also felt like the right thing to do. Sometimes we just need a vacation from life in order to rejuvenate and refresh. To re-energize. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with it. If you’re not feeling it with these other guys, don’t you think they sense your apathy, too? Take that break. Focus on yourself. Or your family. Or your studies. Or something else. And then you never know what will happen next week or next month when you’re ready to date again. For me, I was literally about to take my profile down (again!) from match.com when I met the man who would become my husband. You’ll find yourself a man, too.

  7. emily – you know that just might be the solution. Now if I could get over the early/late walks and the picking up the poop with my hands, I’d be in business! ; )buffalodick – you’re one lucky man.nilsa – thanks for the encouragement and hope, some days I really need it.

  8. La Esperanza deberia ser lo ultimo que se pierde, pero a veces es lo mas facil abandonar. Hang in there…I’m a firm believer that God, the Universe, whatever you believe in, has someone perfect for you! Patience, on the other hand is a virtue that seems to escape me…but the esperanza is still there 🙂

  9. Oh Jen,You know I do the internet dating thing too. But I just took a whole month off and it felt like heaven. Then I came back, deleted everything on my profile and started over. I’ve had some interesting conversations since then, but no dates. I don’t know how this thing works, but as long as I wanted to get married, I want to know that I at least kept trying. Hang in there.

  10. Hi Jen, I hear ya! I’ve done the internet dating thing too, and you do get a bit ‘first date overload’, wonder why it is you can’t meet anyone, and if you did, would you even realise, and if you did, would they. It’s just too easy to say they don’t tick a certain profile box and move on.See how many girls that have posted here who date and haven’t yet met ‘the one’. I’m not doing internet dating at the moment, but I am open to dating, having broken up with the casual dutch guy I met here in Amsterdam. In the meantime I am enjoying more me time, and trying to write more. I don’t miss it yet.Good luck to us all is what I say!

  11. OOh and a word of advice, do a few ‘lunchtime dates’ or just a ‘cuppa coffee’ date, if you like the look/sound of them say you don’t want to chat online for ages, but meet them asap in person just for a coffee or a quick afternoon drink (and make sure they know it will only be that so they don’t feel like you’re doing a runner after an hour!). Then you can arrange a longer date if you feel something in that hour or so. It works so much better than long evening dates, where half the time you want to leave after the first hour anyway, and if you get to the second date, you both know it’s worth investing more time in…? xx

  12. You know starting fresh is never a bad idea. Why dont you have someone else write your profile? I mean you can delete this last publish dating profile. Ask a friend who knows you best to write their own thoughts on you as if they are you trying to write a dating profile. Its a different prospective and just crazy enough to work.

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