Goodbye Toti

My grandfather died today. I think I’m still a bit shocked, not because I didn’t see it coming, he was quite old and his body wasn’t holding up so great, years of smoking and not exercising had caught up with him and these past years he was in and out of hospitals many times. But still, it’s sad.

I wish I could be part of those cultures that celebrate death and see it as a happy cheerful event, in which the dying souls go off to a better place and thus all are happy for them. My rational self believes he is now in a better place and I know his soul will never die, and yet my emotional self feels a sadness that I can’t quite shake off. The worse part is being so far away and not being able to give my mom and grandma a hug in support of the sadness I know they are feeling. The other part I am regretting is not being there to say goodbye, but I guess that would have been true even if I had been there…

Goodbye Toti. I love you and I always will. I will for ever be your mu~eca and la mujer que come cosas… Judging by the way you lived your life, with no regrets and no looking back, I know you’ll have an awesome afterlife. I hope you truly enjoy it. Goodbye, until we meet again.


14 responses to “Goodbye Toti

  1. Im so sorry to hear about your loss. Sending best wishes and condolences from the west coast.

  2. I’m so sorry to read this news. You’ll be in my thoughts.

  3. Tu Toti te va a seguir cuidando desde donde esté. Te dejo un abrazo muy grande y una oración para el eterno descanso de su alma.

  4. Thank you guys, your good thoughts and prayers are well received. Thank you.

  5. Awww sweetie.. I’m so sorry for your loss. But i love that you know you’ll see him again and it will be a happy time for the both of you. {{hugs}}

  6. You’re in my thoughts Jen!

  7. I’m so sorry for your loss. But, just because your Toti is in a better place doesn’t mean you’re not entitled to feel loss. Mourn as you see fit. We all do it differently. Time heals…

  8. So sad for your loss.

  9. ¡Ay Jen! Soy malísima para estas cosas. Espero, de todo corazón, que la tristeza se convierta en recuerdo, en sueños de Toti acompañándote siempre. Un abrazo.

  10. Awww sorry to hear that. Take the time to feel sad and remember him – because when we feel sad about these things, we do it for ourselves – whatever you believe in the afterlife, the person we are mourning is not with us any more, so we are feeling sad for ourselves more than anything, for our own loss of them. Thinking about it like that helped me to perk up and feel ok again, I think. He wouldn’t want you to be too sad but to remember him with Joy – remember that! x

  11. I’m sorry for your loss. Big hug.

  12. I’m sorry for your loss, Jen. Clearly the world is a lesser place as a result of his passing.

  13. Jen un abrazo grande, siento tu perdida, espero pronto puedas recuperarte, te dejo mucha luz y buena vibra, y si, ya lo veras despues…

  14. Thank you all for your kind condolences. Being home has helped me process this much better, and feel as I am a part of my family’s grievance. Thank you dearly for your support.

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