Me? Single!

My boss invited us, her 3 research assistants, to her daughter’s wedding in June. We agreed to rent a car and go together and make it an outing, since it will take place in Philadelphia. At one of our meetings last week we told her we were attending, and she was thrilled. Apparently we are like her family here, since we are the ones who work so closely with her day in and day out, and in her words “put up with her” (she really has been driving us, or at least me, mad this past week).

Anyhow, one of us is married and said she might bring her husband along, if he didn’t have to work. The rest of us are single and we made a joke of being each other’s plus one for the day. My boss’ immediate reaction was to look straight at me and say “I just can’t believe someone as beautiful as you would …” and stopped in her tracks. I finished her sentence “still be single?”. She said, looking very pensive, “I guess you must have very high standards”. I said “yes, that most certainly is the case, but no worries this status is temporary” and we carried on with our meeting.

I truly believe this is temporary. I mean, singlehood will last until I find the right guy for me. You see, when people ask me “why are you still single?” I don’t think it’s because “I’m not what boys want” (as NGE to be Julia put it today), but more like “boys don’t seem to be what I want”.

Don’t get me wrong, I have self-doubts, insecurities and body issues as well rooted as the next girl, but I don’t go around pretending to be happy, satisfied and independent. I truly am. I am proud of what I have accomplished in life and who I am, I know I am worthy and I sure as hell won’t let just any guy take advantage of me or what I have to offer.

In Spanish we say “mejor solo que mal acompañado”, in English my motto is “never settle”. I want to fall in love, want to get married and have a family, I want to share my life with a man. But this has to be a worthy man, a man who wants the same as I do and is willing to put into building a relationship with me as much as I will, a man who will not only respect and love me, but who deserves my respect and love in return.

I will not settle and neither should anyone. If there was one thing I could do for the majority of women I know is boost their self-esteem. I agree with Dee, it is only when we learn to love ourselves when we can truly love others and have healthy relationships. Being in a relationship with the wrong guy, one who doesn’t respect and appreciate you for who you are, is a thousand times worse than being on your own. So until I find the right guy, hooray for being single!

17 responses to “Me? Single!

  1. Nothing wrong with being single.

  2. I think the older we get, the less apt we are to “settle for less”… I think chemistry, timing, and a host of intangibles add up to the decision to be together with someone…

  3. mike – no, definitely nothing wrong with that.buffalodickdy – are you calling me old? ; )My horoscope today: Monday, May 26th, 2008 — If a friend or associate doesn’t come through for you now in the manner you prefer, keep in mind that your expectations may be so high that you set yourself and others up for failure. But this isn’t about lowering your standards and accepting less than you want. It’s about holding on to your goals while also learning to be more compassionate.Be more compassionate… hmmm, I can do that.

  4. Si no vamos a recibir lo que necesitamos de las personas con las que estamos… no tiene caso seguir ahí.Es decir, si sólo por no andar solita uno que otro día, vas a tomar al tipo que sea… no importando que no llene tus necesidades y expectativas, mejor la soledad así, voluntaria, que la soledad multitudinaria.Un beso.

  5. labani – totalmente de acuerdo, a falta de una buena compania, que viva la soledad voluntaria!

  6. Oh, I hate that I’m an example of how NOT to be! But, I guess someone has to do it! :)You’re fantastic, and absolutely correct in how you feel. We should all have high standards and know that we deserve greatness. I do know those things… sometimes I just don’t always believe it. I’ll get there, though!

  7. I’m with ya there, go us ‘choosey’ girls! And I always get that, how can someone as lovely as you still be single thing too. If we knew that we wouldn’t be!!- the sarjent

  8. Of course you’re not old! But what you expect at your current age, is not the same criteria you had, say 10 yrs. ago…

  9. Jen,Me encantó este post, me parece que me identiico mucho con lo que dices. Alguien hace un tiempo me dijo que tenía una amiga que era infeiz con su pareja, pero era el tipo de mujer que prefería eso a estar solo….No lo podía creer…..Creo que la soledad nos regala muchas cosas, hay que sabersela hacer amiga!Un abrazo a esa mujer muy mujer

  10. I agree with you and Dee. Loving oneself means being ready and open for love from someone else to come along. In terms of the “single” issue, I always go back to the last episode of Sex and the City, when Carrie leaves her Russian boyfriend and needs a room of her own in the hotel. The desk clerk tells her he has only “double rooms”. She responds “I am a single, and that will be fine”. To me, that has always encapsulated the idea of being OK with being single in a doubles (couples) world.

  11. “So until I find the right guy, hooray for being single!”I couldn’t agree more!

  12. ungraceful girl – I’m sorry, I had no intention of making you feel bad. I do wish though your self confidence and belief in your awesomeness kicks in. You’re a great woman, you just have to embrace it for all it’s worth. the sarjent – so true!buffalodickdy – I’m sorry to say I’ve always been picky and have had high standards.nunu – es asi, a disfrutar los regalos de la soledad!not so little woman – “I am a single, and that will be fine” Love it!weekends off – : )

  13. Well said, Jen. I’ve been down both roads and I know now that there’s never a reason to settle. It’s far better to wait for what you want so you can know true happiness.

  14. joe – well said!justrun – : )

  15. Yo creo que nada llega destiempo y todo tiene un arazon de ser, el que va llegar va llegar eso ni lo dudes…

  16. pillo – en eso estoy Pillo, tratando de no dudarlo!

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