After the defense I went over to my sister’s for dinner and wine, and as she opens the door she asks “So how did the proposal go?”. Nick then yells from the couch where he’s at watching TV “What proposal? Are you finally getting married?!” … The kid is truly worried about my marital status, gotta love him.
Thank you all so much for your words of encouragement and your kind wishes of success. They made me feel positive and accompanied through out the day, waiting for 6 pm to finally come, which was no easy task. Thank you!
All in all it went well. I’ll recap for you. The seminar’s professor was a little over excited about the questions so she started with that leaving me wondering if I would get to present at all. Until a kind soul asked if I was not supposed to present my study before the drilling started. I was wondering “could they have changed the procedure from last week to this one? At this place one never knows, so maybe that’s just the case”. It wasn’t, it was a mistake. So I presented. Explained the highlights of what I’m proposing to do, the problem, purpose, research questions, literature review, methodology, and limitations. After this the real fun began.
The Q&A started with my sponsor’s questions which she had emailed in, since she couldn’t be there in person. They were interesting questions, thought provoking, and discussion prompting questions, some of which we had talked about before, not really coming to a solid conclusion about them. I guess that’s why she asked them, to see if I had figure something new out… or maybe because she felt I need to expand on that in the document… not sure, I need to email her and see what she expects me to do in that regards.
My second reader’s questions was one she had talked to me about before. So no surprise there, and then she started going on and on on the definition of spirituality and how I could/needed to give examples of it… I’ve struggled with this because why on earth would I try describing the very thing I want to go in and observe and THEN describe. This is a new construct (children’s spiritual experiences in classrooms) and no one has truly described it yet. Wouldn’t it defeat the purpose of the entire study to describe before hand what I think I will find?
Anyhow, the seminar’s professor’s questions where methodological ones, which is her area of expertise. Those I felt were to get me to talk more about aspects I had explained in the document, but this time more for educational purposes, for the seminar’s students, and I guess to see if I could defended it verbally (it did feel very much like a defense to me, “sharing ideas” my foot!).
After the questioning they stepped out and deliberated. I stayed with the class and got Q&A from them. This felt nice, much more like sharing than the previous part.
At the end, before they left, I was asked to share something, whatever I wanted, about my study, and I did. I personalized it and explained why the topic was important to me, reason why I chose it, more so than wanting to just fill in a gap in the literature. Apparently you can’t get personal in academia. They don’t like it. After it was over and they had congratulated me for having passed the defense, I went to my second reader’s office and she said, and I quote, “I think you were very tired at the end Jen and didn’t know what you were saying, because you should have said the complete opposite. The reason for doing the study IS because there is a gap in the literature. If you’re doing this study to resolve your own spiritual issues, then that is a reason for concern”. You can imagine my face. Or can you? (WTH!!!) No, I was not tired and of course I knew what I was saying, and that was NOT what I said. I explained it to her, but once I realized I was getting very pissed (Upset is an understatement. I have had enough of this patronizing bullshit and rubbing egos of people who think they are better than God) I agreed to do my revisions, said I would email my sponsor, and turn things in again once I was ready “thank you very much, enjoy your break, and goodbye”.
What completely ticks me off is that ever since I have come to TC they have done this. Every single time I came to pass a hurdle, for which I should be feeling very happy and excited about, some jackass comes and rains on my parade. And I, being the person I am, take it to heart and am left to pick myself up, which only happens with time, not being able to enjoy the accomplishment right then and there.
At this point though the only thing I want out of this university is my degree, and I will do whatever it takes to get it as quickly as I can so that I can get out of this place. So next step? Do the revisions, submit it again, and wait for approval, so that I can submit it to IRB and then DOE, which I’m sure is going to be another field day, but I’ll wait to complain about that if/when it comes.
So it’s over. It went well, overall. If I take out the conversation I had with this woman at the end, I think I can be content with the experience. I’m just still working on that though, that’s why I probably don’t sound more cheery right now. But thank you, thank you very much for having me in your thoughts and being such great blogger friends! : )