Do we focus on the forest or the trees? Can we actually do both without going insane? I’ve been thinking about this lately. With my second person dying, my proposal defense has been postponed and my time line all screwed up. I’m trying hard to stay focus, to believe things happen for a reason, and even though right this minute I might not be able to “see” it, this occurring now might have a reason in the bigger scheme of things.
Last night I went out with my friend Ing, who is here visiting for a couple weeks. I was telling her about my plans, what my original intent was and how things have taken a turn lately. When I got home I received and email from a friend who wanted advice on defending her proposal. Hers is coming up the first week of Dec and she thought I had defended mine in Oct (which was my original plan). I got upset. Why can everyone except me defend this semester? 3 of my class mates (who have my sponsor as a sponsor or second person) have defender this year and 2 more friends, from different departments, defends the first couple weeks of Dec, but I keep on being pushed behind. This completely frustrates me, especially given the fact that I have worked my ass off this semester, and have spent all of Thanksgiving break cramped up home working on this.
As I told Ing last night, I truly believe things happen for a reason, and there must be something to learn from all this (e.g. things don’t necessarily happen according to plan, and I can’t control life). I think that even though I seem to be fixated on the trees, there just might be a reason this is occurring now that will affect the bigger picture. The forest just might be altered by this event right now, and later one, with time, I just might “see” it, and understand why.
This has happened to me before. I understand things way past the time they occurred, when things finally settle and I can see the larger plan. I just wish I could fast forward a bit and take a peak!