I have been avoiding posting anything regarding my love life because I was trying to figure out exactly what was going on before I poured my heart out to all of you. Who by the way have turned out to be a great bunch of people and whom I look forward to hearing from. It’s funny how you can feel close to people you have never met, just by reading about them and having them comment on your adventures (thanks!). But I digress, back to the topic of interest. Ever since my last C post and once I finally got back to NYC from my two week Venezuelan retreat, I took a very “anything goes” kind of approach to my dating life. Which basically means I have been going on dates and meeting guys, and giving love a chance to appear in other, unexpected places.
I saw C again in January, briefly for a few hours, and then he went back to Europe. So this gave me carte blanc to give myself the chance to explore, and I did. I went out with interesting, funny, sweet, and smart men (not tons, I’m still selective) in these past two months, but most of them haven’t gone past the first date, which is what usually happens with me. In the mean time C has always been around, “virtually” around, through email and chat, and slowly but surely has gotten sweeter and much more affectionate. I don’t know exactly what changed, if anything, but I feel him closer even though he’s been physically away for over a month now. And that brings me back to my carefree dating strategy and why it hasn’t worked. I am getting emotionally involved with C, more so that I would care to admit, basically because it requires placing myself in this very vulnerable place in which I really do not like being. Yet, it is happening, I am getting more and more invested, and this is hindering my chances with any other guy. So what to do now? Should I follow a friend’s advice and stop complaining about what I don’t have and enjoying what I do? Should I keep giving C the benefit of the doubt? Or should I run as fast as I can without looking back, protecting myself from eminent heartache? Could I fall in love with someone else?
See? And I thought I had made progress in my “figuring out” attempt. It seems as though I’m stuck here too : (