A most belated update

I have been avoiding posting anything regarding my love life because I was trying to figure out exactly what was going on before I poured my heart out to all of you. Who by the way have turned out to be a great bunch of people and whom I look forward to hearing from. It’s funny how you can feel close to people you have never met, just by reading about them and having them comment on your adventures (thanks!). But I digress, back to the topic of interest. Ever since my last C post and once I finally got back to NYC from my two week Venezuelan retreat, I took a very “anything goes” kind of approach to my dating life. Which basically means I have been going on dates and meeting guys, and giving love a chance to appear in other, unexpected places.

I saw C again in January, briefly for a few hours, and then he went back to Europe. So this gave me carte blanc to give myself the chance to explore, and I did. I went out with interesting, funny, sweet, and smart men (not tons, I’m still selective) in these past two months, but most of them haven’t gone past the first date, which is what usually happens with me. In the mean time C has always been around, “virtually” around, through email and chat, and slowly but surely has gotten sweeter and much more affectionate. I don’t know exactly what changed, if anything, but I feel him closer even though he’s been physically away for over a month now. And that brings me back to my carefree dating strategy and why it hasn’t worked. I am getting emotionally involved with C, more so that I would care to admit, basically because it requires placing myself in this very vulnerable place in which I really do not like being. Yet, it is happening, I am getting more and more invested, and this is hindering my chances with any other guy. So what to do now? Should I follow a friend’s advice and stop complaining about what I don’t have and enjoying what I do? Should I keep giving C the benefit of the doubt? Or should I run as fast as I can without looking back, protecting myself from eminent heartache? Could I fall in love with someone else?

See? And I thought I had made progress in my “figuring out” attempt. It seems as though I’m stuck here too : (

4 responses to “A most belated update

  1. How does the song go again? “If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with…”

  2. lol buffalo.In my experience, the heart wants what it wants. Best to ride out things with ‘C’ until they either work out or reach a dead end. Given what I’ve read, it doesn’t appear that you really want to run anywhere right now.

  3. Hey Jen..gracias por compartirnos tu corazón..Yo siempre recorro todo el camino, si veo que ahí no es me alejo pero no antes…pero cada quien sabe lo que trae en el corazón..mi terapeuta siempre decía que lo que elijas será lo mejor para ti porque de una u otra forma habrá un aprendizaje….Me parece que tu desición está tomada..que no?? jejejeUn Abrazo!!!Pillo

  4. I say run awa as fast as you can… and don’t look back and tell him to disappear from your life. I was kindda dating this guy before my now fiancee. I got very sick of him one day because he was disengaged, not really interested, etc… I just told him not to call me again. He was quite shocked. Three months later I was dating my now fiancee. Just do it. Take advantage that he is so far away. This does not mean that you will never see or speak to him again. You need your own with no C distractions. You deserve to be let alone to figure things out… and by allowing him to mess with your feelings and life by email and chatting is not fair to you…. OK — this is too much but it really is not worth it…

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