Last weekend I went to Umbanda for a consultation. I hadn’t been there in ages and frankly didn’t really want to go, but since my sister insisted and my cousin Cory really wanted to go and didn’t have any other ride, I went. While observing the ritual of the descending spirits and the spinning mediums, I thought to myself “watch carefully because this is the last time your coming to this place”. When they called us in for consultation I was assigned to the Mae Maria of the line of Omulo, or the souls. She used to be an African slave so she said her hair was very curly and was cut very short, and while she was eating a piece of ham she said she didn’t have any teeth so she had to swallow whole.
She told me that I was a difficult person, that I seemed kind and sweet, but if things didn’t happen my way they just didn’t happen at all. That I had to change, learn to be more humble, which I agree with 100%. She also said she couldn’t tell me my life mission, that I wanted to run before I could crawl and that it would be revealed to me in time. I would have to grow to be very old to understand what I came to this life to do. I was disappointed, I wanted at least some kind of guidance and reassurance that I was on the right track, or perhaps an orientation to where I should be focusing my energy. She was very vague, she said just help people, help as much as you can, it will be returned to you by the divine grace. Whatever good or bad we do comes back to us.
She also said something that I found very interesting: God does not give us anything we don’t truly want, he can’t send us that which we are going to reject. I know what your thinking, what about people that get cancer? What about those who seem cursed with misery, poverty, and disaster, do they really want that? But I’m guessing she said it pertaining to a specific question I asked about having children. She says deep down I don’t want any because they imply sacrifices that I’m not ready to make. Which I think is right on target. So, it got me thinking what is it that I really want? Do I really want a family and kids and am I willing to do everything it takes for it? Or is that just what I believe I want while deep down I’m so comfortable with my single, on-my-own-terms life that I’m sabotaging that outcome?
What I have come to realize these days of pondering, is that I don’t want to be alone any more. I want (truly want) to find a man (you have to specific about gender these days) to fall in love with and share my life, whatever it might bring. This, I want, I know I do, and I am willing to make the necessary sacrifices for it. Children? I’m not that sure yet, we’ll see, lets start with requirement number one and move on from there, OK?